Abyss of Humanity
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: Krul Tepes has not felt any human emotion for one thousand years since she was separated from her brother. But as she continues to burn, she continues to ponder her humanity towards Mika. In Nagoya, Mika is trying to retain his humanity, and doesn't understand why his emotions have dimmed. Yet the emotions towards a certain vampire have not...the same with his brother Yuu.
1. Prologue

It's been over a full year since I have written anything for ! I'm very nervous, both because I haven't written in so long and also because this is my first story in the fandom.

For clarification, this story contains eventual Mikaela x Krul and Guren x Shinya!

I hope you enjoy.

* * *

 _ _Prologue__

It was impossible to die. Even though it had been barely a day, the flesh was completely stripped away and only the last layer of muscle remained.

Eternal. Everlasting.

It was true of what she had said. The fire had been going on for so long that the former Queen of Japan, Krul Tepes, wasn't aware of the pain anymore. The pain had festered, numbing all else as the flames continued their assault on her body.

It was impossible to die. But even more so, impossible at the thought that she wanted to die.

Vampires had no desire for anything. They did not lust for food, warmth, sleep, sex, or human companionship. One of the things that amused Krul to no end was of how humans, the pitiful creatures that they were, seemed perpetually afraid of death. They would do anything – _anything_ against what they so selfishly desired – to prevent their bodies from decay. Or, shielding their fellow cattle from death itself from their own bodies.

What was the point of human lives? They lived such short lives…and did not have many accomplishments.

Vampires had only desire for blood.

Rich and thick, often sweet or sour, depending on the age, that soothed the boredom and listlessness that was being a vampire.

Krul was almost lulled by the sound of the flames. The heat wasn't too bad now. If only she could…

The broken lids of her eyes snapped open.

It was not only her brother, Ashura that she had sensed. For eternal pain, his aura would always haunt her like a baby's lullaby. Her bargain with Hiiragi Mahiru had fulfilled some of her…desire. A desire that only she and a long-dead vampire-demon child knew. Krul's older brother Ashura was inside the body of Hyakuya Yuuichirou.

Still a demon, and not exactly alive. But still…he existed.

 _Mika._

Perhaps it would be ironic to some that Ashura was inside the body of the brother of the human, Hyakuya Yuuichirou.

She still remembered of how they met.

Krul had sensed Mika as well.

As always, he would be worried over his precious Yuu- _chan_. Ferid loved to tease Mika about his feelings for his "angel" Yuuichirou, but Krul understood more than most.

Krul was more similar to Mika than her golden seraph would ever know.

They both had the same desire.

 _Why?_ Krul thought. Mika's face bored into her mind. With pale skin and blond hair that cascaded to his neck, Krul had silently agreed with Ferid that the then-half vampire was beautiful. His face was often expressionless, devoid of any emotion, and his blue eyes – ice blue – were apathetic to the despaired world around him.

She hadn't felt anything in her heart for one thousand years. She should not feel anything. Emotions – ugly ones like fear, sadness, rage, and madness – that humans possessed faded away very quickly when turned into a vampire. The memories of the former loved ones, and everything associated with human life faded away to the single terrible red desire.

 _Why do I care about him?_

Her heart was supposed to be dead, so why did she feel anything towards the former human Hyakuya Mikaela? Krul had dismissed it for far too long. She knew it the moment when he came under her "care" instead of killing him and the rest of his family.

She knew it the moment when she saw him dying on the floor with his sweet blood still flowing in her lips as she leaned down for a kiss.

Krul Tepes had called him her pet. Her "son."

She had wanted to _protect_ him.

If she was human, the teenage girl would had cried. Or perhaps laughed at the absurdity from the sheer level of humanity of her emotions.

Of how she wished that he would not meet the same fate as her.

Why did she feel sadness flow inside of her, excruciatingly slow at the sight of his new red eyes, now never showing the blueness within?

Many humans had names for what she was feeling.

Vampires mocked those feelings, mocking the chemicals as a weakness, as a curse…as a kind word for stupidity.

 _Mika…_

Why did she really want the Seraph of the End?It was against the Vampire Law to have these feelings towards a human.

* * *

She loved Hyakuya Mikaela.


	2. Lingering Human Emotions

_Lingering Human Emotion_

" _Are you feelings for Yuuichirou the same?"_

Yes. Else why would this monster be standing here, right now, in an underground laboratory? Mika still wondered about the human's questions. In a small pit of his stomach, the former human knew that his human emotions were disappearing. The raw rage and then tears that Yuu- _chan_ shed at the sight of a family member's severed head inside a jar haunted him. It only took the sight of Akane- _chan_ 's dead face to undo the demon inside the only surviving member of his family…and he, Mika, would only stare in some vague emotion of shock.

 _The urge to protect…is still here._

His feelings towards Yuu- _chan_ had not faded from the time they had spent apart, or during their reunion when Mika had cried and howled in despair at the hunger he was facing after fleeing with his most precious person. The vampire inside of him was so _hungry_ , desperation clawing at every still-dividing cells and numb to all else. _Monster._ His eyes had turned as red as his insides as the blond vampire drank his brother's blood. Yuu- _chan_ , insufferable and optimistic, wanted him to live.

Mika didn't understand why Yuu- _chan w_ as so determined for him to live. What was there to live for as a life as a vampire? Mika had seen first-hand of how his hated race lived. Selfish shadows drawn only to blood and the despair and cries of innocent humans.

 _Why does he believe I can find happiness…being what I am?_

"Yuu- _chan_ …you _baka_."

Mika continued to stare at his brother, unconscious and floating in a strange device. Mika had watched with narrowed eyes as Ichinose Guren lifted Yuu- _chan_ in his arms and lowered him into the container.

 _"You're welcome to stay if you would like, vampire."_

Mika was still too angry to meet the human's violet eyes. He didn't trust him. He didn't trust _anyone_ in this building. The humans that called themselves Yuu- _chan_ 's family and friends were using him for some reason. They didn't care about him. It was the same with the vampires.

Mika's shoulders rose at the memory of Ferid's laughter. Hours before, the vampire had been burning on a cross. He had screamed until he couldn't scream anymore, and then half of his body wandered around, scaring the female humans. Perhaps if Mika had been human, he would have laughed at the expression on their faces, at the sight of their first look at a male's genitalia. But he couldn't. Rage surfaced in his mind around the circumstances of Ferid's arrest. No.

It wasn't that.

Mika looked away from Yuu- _chan_ and burrowed deeper in his thoughts.

 _At least that human didn't ask any more,_ Mika thought. He closed his eyes in a vague hope that whatever he was feeling now would go away.

It didn't.

Mika remembered of meeting Krul's eyes, her expression unknown to him. The blond vampire had seen Krul's lips moving as she talked with Ferid. He had wondered if they were talking about their situation. Mika didn't know how to feel as he heard that for breaking Vampire Law of experimenting with Seraph of the End would result in ten day exposure to the sun.

His former blue eyes had turned red, and he was unprepared for the sheer agony of the sun's rays now that he was a full vampire. He hadn't understood at the time why vampires often slept or stayed inside most of the time. With Krul, Mika often didn't see her, going on missions with the other vampires and destroying Seraph of the End experiments. He had supposed that the Queen of Japan rested inside the Underground City. The only time he had seen her outside with the sun's full rays had been three months ago, when Ferid had betrayed her, and Mika had been forced to flee.

Although Mika did not like Ferid, he grudgingly acknowledged that the vampire was much stronger than he portrayed himself as. It was unbearable to be outside in the sun for even an hour without the protection from the rings vampires had on their fingers.

Unconsciously, Mika gripped his hand into a fist.

 _Krul…_

Why did he feel the need to look away when he saw her burning on the cross?

With Ferid, he had watched his skin burn like fire and smoke pouring from the amount of heat from the exposure. Mika still hated the vampire for killing his family, but with Krul…

It didn't make any sense of why he looked away. Why could he look at Ferid's burning flesh and yet not Krul having the same treatment?

 _"I didn't know the Queen could scream like that."_

Vampires lost their human emotions very quickly. Mika had always thought with disgust towards the vampires that laughed at their so-called comrade's injuries or the expressions on their faces. Vampires could heal from almost anything, so it was _amusing_ to them to see the pathetic expressions of pain on their faces.

It was simple entertainment that became boring quickly.

Even if the punishment had been put on the Queen of Japan, the reaction was the same.

Instead of feeling disgust, Mika had felt sadness. He didn't why, or who the sadness was for.

He had hours to think as the car full of humans and vampires fled from Osaka to Nagoya. A stir of rage had bated inside of him back then, and the reluctant vampire had believed it to be worry over Yuu- _chan_ straining himself again. But it remained hours later. Yuu- _chan_ was safe and was reportedly going to wake in less than an hour now. However, Mika still had unresolved feelings.

Mika's feelings towards his brother, the child who screamed that he didn't need a family and who got beat up by Mika's own fists eight long years ago remained in the same human state. That human, Narumi, hadn't thought to ask of anything else.

Mika was grateful, because he had thought that there were no other emotions he had except his love for Yuu- _chan_. His mind continued to think of how Krul's ring had been ripped off her finger before being at the mercy of the sun.

 _Ferid was saved, but Krul is still burning._

It irritated to Mika to no end that the humans seemed to be happy with what they had. All they talked about was Ferid.

 _Ferid_ this. _Ferid_ that.

It was true that the silver-haired vampire had usurped the Queen of Japan, and had revealed the truth about the Apocalypse to Mika, Yuu- _chan_ , and the humans. Ferid _had_ been useful. Mika had said that Krul could help the humans when they had been fugitives from the Japanese Imperial Demon Army.

But did that still hold true?

It was very likely that Ferid knew more than Krul about the Seraph of the End, and so many other things that the humans wanted to know.

Only the vampire that they lost against knew where Krul was.

No one knew when they would be able to fight that vampire again. And by that time, ten days could have passed. Mika thought back to a book that he had read about vampires back when he still had a family, when he was still human and insufferably optimistic about _everything_.

It mentioned that vampires had seven times the strength of humans. It also mentioned that vampires took naps during the day and wore wards to protect them from the sun.

There was no mention of how long a vampire could last on extreme sun exposure with no protection.

Mika's hands curled into fists at the thought. Anger seemed to be an emotion he was quite familiar with. Now, he didn't understand why his feelings seemed so… _human_.

Why did he have any feelings towards Krul?

A twelve year old Hyakuya Mikaela had told her that he would rather die than to be turned into a vampire. He had been dying, and yet grateful that at least Yuu- _chan_ had escaped.

Mika could sometimes dream of how her lips had tasted against his own. The swallow of her blood in his throat as he screamed with tears threatening to spill.

Why did she spare him?

Make him live?

It wasn't uncommon that for the humans that were turned into vampires would hate their progenitor. In the first two years of being a half-vampire, the other bloodsuckers were amused and interested at how of Mika was the Queen's "pet" with no ill feelings. Mika couldn't explain it himself. Perhaps it was because he depended on Krul so much that it was impossible to hate her.

Because then it would be him hating himself, more than he already did, for depending on her.

Mika still remembered of how she gave him a seven vials of her blood every day for a week. He remembered of how horror and shock coursed through him when he realized that he had handled her roughly with no thoughts at all with his fangs in her neck.

The blond vampire had _stuttered_.

Mika didn't understand of his feelings towards Krul continued, even after he became a vampire. Why didn't he hate her? Why, did he even care for her?

He didn't get any answers from his thoughts.

It wasn't that Mika expected an answer.

So he sat, blurring Krul in his mind until all he thought about was Yuu- _chan_.


	3. The Truth of Deep Night

Sorry, guys! I planned on posting this earlier, but I had various distractions. Since it is Shinya's birthday, this chapter's point of view is Shinya's. It is late at night where I am, so perhaps this way is fitting. I would have added a list of abridged histories from the light novels, but I feel too tired to that tonight. Tell me your views on this week's chapter, and have a pleasant Thanksgiving!

* * *

 _The Truth of Deep Night_

Shinya accepted that this was all he could expect from Guren. Silent glances with no answers, and being lied to…toyed with.

From the age of ten when he had been adopted by the Hiiragi family, Shinya had accepted that he was lower than a dog despite surviving to the bitter end in a battle that lasted five bloody years for the hand of Hiiragi Mahiru, his future ex-fiancée and adoptive sister and Guren's lover. A simple pawn to make the bloodline with more genius. The silver-haired human remembered the first indirect meeting he had with Guren. Right when he first met her, Mahiru had stated that she had no love for him. The girl, then already a prodigy, had love for Ichinose Guren.

Shinya had been curious of this Ichinose Guren. After all, the boy _was_ his rival. But his attempts at finding information about the future head of the Ichinose branch came to naught. He had searched through the Hiiragi databases, and all that the adopted boy could find was a mere footnote with vulgar words in atrocious handwriting that obviously belonged to Seishirou, his second older brother. When he asked about the Ichinose family at a chilly dinner meeting, eleven year old Shinya had his head collide with the hard floor from Seishirou, the Hiiragi's eyes flashing in rage and disgust. _"All you need to know,_ mongrel, _is that the Ichinose branch is worse scum than you."_ Shinya had tried to meet Mahiru's eyes that night, but she simply stared ahead as if he didn't exist. Later, cold and knees shaking in his room despite the warm temperature of the Hiiragi household, the silver-haired boy realized then that his fiancée must have been thinking about Ichinose Guren.

Perhaps too there would have been a note that Shinoa, the youngest at age three, didn't cry at the sight of violence. It would have unnerved some, but Shinya, exposed to death and numbness from almost the same age, knew that the Hiiragi family was different. At the First Shibuya High School, or even in the elementary school that the Hiiragis had reluctantly enrolled him in, the silver-haired adoptee noticed of how the teachers and students alike bowed and acted as if the Hiiragis were gods. Shinya supposed, with his blue eyes and white hair, contrasted to the Hiiragis, that he would be treated lower than a peasant due to only being an adoptee.

That was not the case. Shinya had felt pity for those shallow creatures calling themselves human. They each only looked out for each other's skin, intent on only survival. _But then…_ Shinya had thought with his hand touching his chin, something surging inside of his stomach at the memory of how Ichinose Guren and his loyal retainers had been scorned and treated like shit until Guren had bowed to Hiiragi Kureto. Shinya knew that he and Guren were alike. They both hated the Hiiragi family, and wished and planned for its downfall. His mind flashed to a memory. A child soaked in rain, so much so that he couldn't separate the tears from the liquid weeping from the sky. A discarded knife was by his side as the child with brown hair whispered to his opponent. _…Aren't we all the same in the end?_

Mahiru wasn't interested in him. Even though he had killed many, learned the darkest parts about himself, and groveled to the feet of the Hiiragis, the heiress to the Hiiragi family thought of him no more than one would a curious bug. The female child – in physicality only – was only interested in someone named Ichinose Guren.

Instead of feeling angry, Shinya instead felt intrigued. Who was this Ichinose Guren, who had captured Mahiru's heart? She was a silent figure, focused and aloof to him. The only open affection she seemed to have for was their baby sister Shinoa, which confused him. Perhaps she had love for the child because she was born in the same manner as her. Shinya had heard rumors about their births from the servants of the household, but so far, the youngest seemed to be a normal Hiiragi child.

Unlike her beloved _oneechan_.

The general in the Japanese Demon Imperial Army hadn't expected that he would be friends with Guren for this long. Eight years, first in high school at the young age of fifteen, and then…

 _Was it worth it?_

A soft, silky voice similar to Mahiru's whispered in Shinya's ears. _All he does is play around with you, use you as a toy until he's tired of playing with it. Guren…he won't even tell you about what happened –_

Shinya firmly pushed those thoughts away. It wouldn't do well to dwell on those thoughts. He had seen Guren suffer when he thought no one was looking, Mahiru's ghost whispering in his mind and trailing the guilt and sorrow along his spine. Unlike in high school though, Guren was harder to reach. He would no longer react to Shinya's sarcastic or blasé comments, teasing about girl panties or virginity, or sometimes intentionally annoying him.

...Perhaps they had all past that phase of their lives. Often enough, Guren would simply stare into silence with his own demons to not bother anyone else.

 _Why, Guren?_ Shinya continued to walk behind his best friend, watching as Guren's back revealed nothing of what he was feeling. _Why don't you talk to me? To your family? Why must you always…push us away?_

It had been eight years since the execution of Ichinose Sakae, Guren's father. Shinya remembered vividly of his shock at the mercy of the Hiiragis. Kureto had allowed Guren to not see his father's head fall onto the ground. If he had been any other person, a much kinder person, Shinya would have cried at the sight of Ichinose Sakae. Even though it was his own execution, the man – with tangled, white hair from the shock of interrogation by the Hiiragis – was smiling. The older man was even given a chance for his last words.

Sayuri had been crying. Everyone else's faces looked as if they were made out of stone.

Shinya expected such words from Ichinose Sakae, for he was that kind of man.

 _"I love my –"_

His head separated from his body before he could finish.

There were many things that Shinya had not shared with Guren. Of how he had lived in a life and death battle for five years from age five to ten. Of how he secretly was a bookworm and spent the allowance he had on classics, both Japanese and Western. Vaguely, when reading a classic by Natsume Soseki, the high-schooler wondered if Guren had any hobbies. He did not tell Guren that despite the outward scorn he had for him in the beginning, the silver-haired teen actually understood Guren's façade. Of how he admired him and hated him for not allowing himself to be who he truly was.

He would die before telling Guren the truths that he held within his weak heart.

One was the last words of a beloved father to his dearly-loved son.

The other…

 _"The moon is pretty, isn't it, Guren?"_

It didn't matter how angry Shinya became. It did not matter that Shinya had said that if Guren had killed his own subordinates willingly, he would never forgive him. The agony and devastation in his heart didn't matter. The betrayal still hurt like a festering wound, aching and bursting with gangrene. Shinya didn't understand why Guren had him and the rest of their team for three months after Nagoya. He didn't cope with the fact that Guren was trying to protect them.

None of them needed protection.

If they were weak, they would have already died!

Shinya, although he thought of himself as a realistic person with logic and cynicism on his side, had been so _happy_ and _relieved_ to see Guren after three months of hearing nothing. Not even a simple message on toilet paper. He hated himself for feeling happiness at the mere sight of Guren's face, when Guren _killed_ their subordinates.

And he w _asn't_ being controlled by Mahiru.

Shinya would not have been able to kill Guren. The idea was incredulous. But would have Guren killed him, when they found themselves before that vampire's mansion?

What did Guren truly feel for him?

The questions raised about the night of eight years ago wouldn't be answered.

And of why, no matter how much meditation Shinya exercised or the explanations that increasingly became insufficient Guren gave all five of his friends…he had no memory of that day, Christmas 2012.

Guren had said they had been given a vaccine, so the virus didn't harm them, but that didn't make any sense. How was the vaccine made? Why had the other family branches in the Hiiragi family not have the same treatment as six other high school students, one of which was only an adopted son of the Hiiragi? The other were mere dispensable retainers of the Ichinose branch and Imperial Order of the Moon with no male lineage, the pathetic servants of the mongrel dogs. Even Goshi, because he had a prodigy younger brother, was expendable.

Shinya would have to accept it. He would never find the truth to his questions. The silver-haired companion to the selfish Ichinose would have to hide his true feelings inside of him, just like before when –

"Yo."

"I'm surprised you snuck up on me." Shinya grinned, although his hand instinctively tightened. He wasn't aware of what Guren's feelings were. His light eyes, playful, stared at the rescued noble vampire. Ferid Bathory was now completely healed from his exposure to the sun. Shinya had been shocked by how quickly the vampire seemed to recover. He had been under the impression that there would be scabs or wounds over the vampire's body. The vampire's former nudity and separated body parts were connected, and Shinya pretended to not notice that Ferid was wearing one of Guren's father's shirts.

It was old, smelling of dust and mites. The vampire's grin seemed to overwhelm the state of the clothing he wore however.

"It's _so_ good to be alive." Shinya almost turned when he felt Guren start to stare at Ferid. For a brief moment, he felt an urge to look into Guren's violet eyes. They were an unusual color, but complimented the darkness of his hair and –

Shinya laughed to hide the queasiness in his stomach.

"The sun is the worst existence, for a vampire. I thought I was doing to die," Ferid said dramatically.

Shinya could imagine Guren rolling his eyes.

Ferid Bathory suddenly leaned forward with a smile and his face was almost touching Shinya's.

"Then again, you know what it is like to be dead, don't you, Hiiragi Shinya?'

 _W-what?_ The world seemed to slow, and Ferid's grin seemed to be the only thing the stunned young man could see. He wanted to laugh at such an absurdity, but the muscles inside his mouth didn't seem to listen. _What is he…talking about...?_

The vampire gasped in mock horror and covered both of his hands with his mouth.

" _Oops._ I wasn't supposed to reveal that."

A shaky smile was forming and failing to form against Shinya's mouth. There was possible way that he had been dead. He would have remembered. And Guren, he wouldn't…he would have told him if something like this had happened.

"Guren…?"

Much to his horror, Shinya's voice was weak and shaking. He tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat, but couldn't. His voice was a mere whisper, shaking and frail.

"Guren, you would have told me about something like this, wouldn't you have?"

"…Guren?"


	4. Catastrope at 16, Part I

Heavy spoilers for _Guren Ichinose, Catastrophe at 16 volume 7_ and _Owari no Seraph_ manga.

* * *

 _Catastrophe at 16, Part I_

It was such a mundane task.

 _Breathe in._

 _Breathe out._

It should be so simple.

For so many times this one human being among millions of others was able to breathe without thinking. Exactly, how many hours had it been since that winter's night?

Ichinose Guren was finding it hard to breathe. It was as if every cell in his body had been deprived of its function. He couldn't even move his mouth or speak.

 _"Oops. I wasn't supposed to reveal that."_

There were far too many times that Guren had imagined this moment. Far too many times he had thought about how he would react if Shinya – or anyone, found out the truth.

He had trained himself excessively so that the _Nanamari_ inside of him would not lose control over the simplest of things.

How many times had he agonized over the reality that he wasn't even human? Only a breath away from becoming a demon? He didn't know what thread it was that held his tired human self together.

Maybe it was his team.

Maybe it was Yuu.

Or perhaps it was no one, and fate was laughing at Guren from the stupid sky for denying what Guren wished for most.

Guren couldn't even hear Shinya speaking, although he could see Shinya's mouth moving. If it had been anything else, perhaps the _Nanamari_ would have asked Shinya why he was making such a weird face.

The truth was, Guren was prepared to die before letting anyone know the truth of what happened on that night.

So many secrets…and lies, and agony burning away his flesh and humanity.

How many times had he woken to find cold sweat drenching his body, sheets tangled? A scream would always lodge in his throat. Tears, weakness and blood wanting to leak from every pore of his body.

How long had it been since he had fully slept?

With no nightmares, no dreams of horror and blood and Mahiru's laughter and hearing the screams of the billions of people dying…because of him?

Hyakuya Mikaela was right. Guren was the reason that everything had happened.

He was the reason why the world was utter complete shit.

Why there was a war against the vampires.

Why every living human being died without happy dreams or memories.

理由がない。

Or perhaps there was a reason.

Just…a selfish, pure self-serving reason to a boy who desperately wanted love.

That was what he thought when he remembered the boy he had been.

His five friends, three of which he hadn't even known six months ago starting that spring, had…

They had…

 _Shit._ Guren couldn't even say it now, eight years later.

How did that child, the boy of sixteen, feel at the deaths of his five friends?

Ichinose Guren remembered everything.

There was a reason why he agonized over every new recruit, every death from battle, and every summon of the swords that could kill vampires. Shinya, his dear friend Shinya, thought it was because Guren was kind.

How many times had his friend teased him for his soft teddy bear interior when he was outwardly so grumpy? Guren remembered of how his eyes had twitched in pretend irritation, and flung his stack of papers at Shinya's face? The laughter that Shinya had would always echo in his mind.

It didn't help that every time he saw either of his friend's faces, Guren saw their bodies eternally sixteen years old.

 _I would rather you hate me forever…and not forgive me…_ Guren lied. Again. He had some memories of what happened in Nagoya. Screams, and Kureto's voice. The spray of blood and the sound of a trumpet. An angel.

Shinya's stunned face.

He had to lie to Shinya in order to make him talk again. The dark-haired man hadn't truly been in control, but if he had told Shinya the truth, the general would still be screaming at Mahiru.

 _Shinya had said that if this is true, then he wasn't certain he could forgive me._

良いだよ。良いだよ。よかった。

Guren pretended to not notice that he was crying inside.

 _I would rather see you hate me for eternity…than to see you dead again._

Was it truly fair that he had sacrificed so much for so little?

For such a small time…and eight of those ten years had already passed.

Guren could hear himself breathing.

But he wasn't certain it was him because it was a rasping, terrible sound.

 _That night….I wanted to die. I didn't know why I was still living. Why I still existed. But I, instead, lived a dead existence. Even though I sacrificed my humanity, my everything in order for my friends to breathe again…I still feel pain when I live._

 _Why…is that?_

 _Is what I have not enough?_

 _Is that truly the extent of the existence of Ichinose Guren?_

 _If I…_ do _tell them the truth, they will die._

Guren felt his chest squeezing. He felt nausea build in his stomach. Breaths were wheezing out of his empty mouth, clogging his throat and closing his eyes didn't ease anything. His entire body was trembling. He couldn't breathe. Just a sharp, high whining sound that grated his ears.

Faintly, the Ichinose heard someone calling his name. Someone important.

Screaming his name, as Guren felt the beginning of tears.

He wanted to scream. Desperately so, just like that night. He could smell the metallic scent of blood against his nostrils. _Shinya…_

Why had he felt _nothing_ when Mahiru had died? _Why?_ He had prepared to betray the Hiiragis and flee with her to wherever she wanted to go…to free her from her sad, solitary fate.

Mahiru told him that she always knew she would die on Christmas. Guren could still hear her laughter, and see her smile as she asked him if he hated her.

Guren did.

He hated her so very much.

He hated her so much that he didn't want to kill her.

He remembered of how she killed every one of his friends.

Hiiragi Mahiru had snapped Sayuri's and Shigure's necks. Mito's neck had also been broken. Goshi had his neck broken as he was cut off from calling Guren's name.

None of them knew what had happened. Guren didn't know what to feel, what to think as the bodies of his four friends were seen beneath his violet eyes.

Shinya always had been special. Even with eight years passed since that night, Shinya was…an important person.

The screams that tore from his agonized throat made it worse as he held Shinya's body in his arms.

He could still feel Shinya's weak but so gentle fingers against his cheek.

Guren could still hear his voice, see his beautiful youthful face, and the blood on his chest.

Mahiru had stabbed Shinya in the chest. It was an intimate death, one that tore inside Guren as he thought about the catastrophe years later. Mahiru had truly hated Shinya.

Guren truly didn't know why. She didn't seem to care about the closeness Guren had to Shinya. She simply thought of the silver-haired adopted Hiiragi like an amusing insect. There was something about Shinya that Guren truly liked. It annoyed his teenage self that the Hiiragi seemed attached to him, and had no sense of personal space.

He thought they were alike. That they both hated the Hiiragi family and take them down together. Their banter…was the most precious memory Guren had.

If only those days with his friends by his side, and the annoying Hiiragis would have stayed still forever.

 _"The moon is pretty, isn't Guren?"_ Guren wasn't stupid. His father had him read novels as well as study to be the next Ichinose heir. But even so, it was after…it happened that he was able to remember what the significance of what Shinya said.

Guren hated most of all…even more than his tears and Shinya telling him not to cry…than hearing Shinya's last words…

Was that his heart did not truly belong to Mahiru.

Guren had told Yuu that he had lost someone. For so many people who knew Guren before the Apocalypse, they believed Guren had been talking about Mahiru.

Even Shinya believed that.

Guren wasn't certain.

It took only for Hiiragi Shinya to die in his arms, with his plea for Guren's safety his last whispered words for the boy to realize he was in love with him.

「生きる意味が、あった。君に会って。」

「だからグレン。泣くなよ。」

深夜…深夜っ！

…シンャ…！

 _"I found my reason for living. When I met you."_

 _"So Guren. Don't cry."_

Before Guren could scream, his thoughts faded into a violent darkness.

* * *

A/N: I suppose most of you are wondering why Guren's thoughts were short and clipped like this chapter. Guren's turmoil, of having the secret told so suddenly that his friends did die on the night of Christmas 2012, shook him to the point of not truly being able to think or feel. As stated in the chapter, I don't believe that Guren's second personality would manifest - immediately. The shortness of his sentences hopefully gave you an idea of what his mind is like right now.

Added to that, there is original text from the seventh light novel in Japanese that I got in Japan when it first came out. The language barrier further represents Guren's mental breakdown, of not being able to translate what happened on that night when he held a dying Shinya in his arms. I learned from my Japanese professor that the Japanese language does not use italics to emphasize a word or phrase. Instead, the two phonics katakana and hiragana are used. Unlike in the chapter when Orihime ( _Bleach_ ) starts to have a mental breakdown and Ichigo's name starts to appear in hiragana throughout the page instead of in kanji (and to show of how much character regression), the increasing emphasis on Shinya's name from kanji to katakana illustrates the increasing despair and emotion Guren felt.

Guren's mind is not in a good place right now, and nor is mine. I wanted to post this chapter and the next one a couple of days ago, but I didn't have much desire to do anything. The next chapter will be the last one, probably for a week before you see another update.

I hope these two chapters are enough to sustain you! If any of you have any questions regarding the translation, you can PM me.


	5. Origins of Self-Hate

_Origins of Self-Hate_

 _"This is supposedly the house where Ichinose Guren grew up in. We're in labs where they conducted human experiments."_

Mika was certain that his words didn't reach Yuu- _chan_ 's ears. As soon as the human Ichinose Guren was mentioned, Yuu- _chan_ 's green eyes grew more focused, and he instantly asked where _Guren_ was. The blond vampire fought to quell the burning rage that surged through his entire disgusting being at the thought of that human.

Ichinose Guren.

Even thinking the name of the human made Mika's entire hands shake.

Mika didn't understand why Yuu- _chan_ was so blinded by love for this human who had used him for his own means. He was the worst of the worst of the human race, using human beings like cattle for human experimentation. Rage burned deep into his abdomen at the memory of first seeing Yuu- _chan_ in that form…where he didn't recognize anyone, and had stabbed Mika in the heart. It had taken hours for the wound to heal when it should have taken seconds, but the pain was nothing compared to the gaping hole in his heart.

Mika had dreamed, _prayed_ , that Yuu- _chan_ had survived and fled Sanguinem and lived a normal life. That was his fervent hope despite the longing in his heart. Instead, he found his beloved person, his brother, in the grasp of the Seraph of the End project and Ichinose Guren. Yuu- _chan_ didn't seem to even care that he was being used. As long as he had family, then they could do whatever they wanted to do to him.

 _Ichinose Guren is the reason why the world is what it is!_ Mika thought furiously as he saw Yuu- _chan_ looking at him in concern. _The reason why the Apocalypse happened, why our family_ died _, and why I got turned into a vampire!_

 _I hate him…and I swear to kill him as soon as this is over because –!_

 _"That's not the reason at all, Mikaela."_

The fury inside the young vampire was immediately dispelled at the memory. The words echoed through his mind as his blood-red eyes reflected against the human's figure that spoke.

Shortly after turning into a vampire, Yuu- _chan_ had off-handedly commented in the JIDA jeep that Mika _"would really love Chiu!"_ Mika had no interest in such a human until Yuu- _chan_ began to have a serious expression on his face for the first time since he had told his brother to find happiness as a vampire.

 _"They say that she was raised by vampires."_ Mika didn't truly understand Yuu- _chan_ 's thinking. His twelve-year old self was smarter than his present sixteen. There was no hatred in his voice when he spoke of the mysterious human raised by vampires. And when he had found Mika again, the black-haired teen had insisted on Mika to turn into a vampire. By drinking his own family's blood, and condemning him to hell as a monster. Yuu- _chan_ had even covered his ears and said _"blah blah"_ and told Mika that he should just die then if he didn't want to become a vampire.

For some reason, Yuu- _chan_ hated vampires as much as he did when he was twelve, but yet he still cared for and loved Mika. Wanted him to live, and not die, as Mika wanted to.

Mika truly didn't understand Yuu- _chan_ 's thinking.

Even if he was a vampire…then Yuu- _chan_ still thought of him as family as opposed to just a bloodsucker, like when they first met after four years?

When they had first met with this strange Chiu, Yuu- _chan_ had said that he hated Chiu because she was a _"human traitor"_ or _"bloodsucker lover."_ Mika had only seen her once during the battle in Shinjiku. Her uniform was different from the others, as it looked more of what a vampire would wear and not a human in the counter forces. Her hair was pure black, and a thin strand was tied back in a red ribbon similar to Ferid's, and a small ring was fitted on the longest finger of her hand. Her eyes were not violet, or amber, or green. Not even blue. They were red like a vampire's.

Yuu- _chan_ didn't know much about the said human, only knowing that she was saved from bloodsuckers around the same time he was. Ichinose Guren, _again_ , saved another child from the cruel clutches of a vampire. Mika didn't know if he should be grateful that one human understood and felt his hatred for Ichinose Guren.

 _But…_

The petite dark-haired human had interrupted his yelling about Ichinose Guren. It was almost like looking into a mirror. Her red eyes were dull, with no emotion whatsoever, similar to his own. Her voice too was subdued when she spoke to him.

 _"Ichinose didn't cause you to turn into a vampire. The Queen did. Or…in your hatred for all things human, did you forget that?"_

 _No. I didn't._

Something inside Mika turned. He never forgot that it was Krul that turned him into a vampire. His stream of thoughts were odd, too. Why was he still thinking of Krul Tepes now, when she was the first creature to cause him to become a monster?

"Mika!"

Yuu- _chan w_ as speaking to him now. Heaving a sigh of relief, Mika fully looked at his brother who was scowling.

"I know you don't like Guren, but he's a good person once you know him!"

"And you don't have to scowl all the time!"

Mika frowned. "I don't scowl all the time, Yuu- _chan_! I-I smile when I'm with you!"

 _Did I really just stutter?_ Self-consciously touching his cheek, the blond vampire noted that Yuu- _chan_ was still not convinced.

"Tell me all the times you weren't scowling or morose, Mika!"

 _This is so childish!_ Mika gritted out his teeth in frustration and resisted the urge to scream. _This is useless…but so like him!_

"As I said before, I smile when I'm with you, and –"

 _Wait._ Mika felt his body still. His eyes widened. Faint memories brushed along his mind.

Ever since he had become a vampire, his emotions had been subdued. The only emotions that he truly felt was despair for being a vampire, hatred for what he was, and the healing balm of Yuu- _chan_ , hoping that he was safe and wondering, agonizing when he would see him again.

His former blue eyes that had been so bright before had lost its light. _Apathetic_ , Mika believed humans called it. He found no joy in anything, and he had no desire for much. Mika had been such a frighteningly happy child before, but only emptiness remained. The ashes of what was left of his soul – hunger for human blood and lust for death – drowned all else.

The other vampires didn't care about his self-hatred or search for death, thinking himself of a monster. They all laughed at him, the sound mocking and echoing with a never-ending feeling of despair in his ears. Ferid had once said that they were all like him once, but Mika wasn't certain if he believed him.

If they were all like him, then how were they all not dead?

Except.

There was…a bit of emotion left inside of him, Mikaela supposed. He felt it now, fluttering faintly against his chest. What was it?

The only other feeling he had was…

It had stunned him when Krul had first hugged him. Even before the Hyakuya Orphanage, Mika had no memory of the warmth that the embrace radiated. He was still twelve, still trembling from the shock of having drunk Krul's blood for the first time, and hearing her words echo through his mind.

 _"You'll be my dog now…for all eternity."_

But why did she hug him? Their bodies back then were so similar, so Mika easily felt his neck brush up against hers. He didn't understand even now why Krul radiated warmth. She had explained to him many times that vampires had no pulse or beating hearts. Therefore, there should have been nothing when Krul began to hug his crying twelve-year old self, clutching her bleeding arm like it could save his life.

And it did, much to his self-hatred and despair.

Even without telling her, the pink-haired vampire seemed to know what Mika needed. His trembling, still human body shook under her arms. She didn't say a word. Nor did she say much during the other times when she hugged him.

Or when she smiled at him with her smile.

She seemed to have a strange obsession with him, always wanting to know if he was…stated with her blood.

Mikaela remembered vividly of how a flood of emotions had surged inside of him when he realized he had manhandled Krul. He had been so thirsty that he would have drained her – and he could have, if he wanted to. Concern, horror, and shock tore through him, breaking the walls of his human emotions.

Why had he felt _afraid_ and _not wanting to go_ when Krul had told him to when Ferid had betrayed her, digging his disgusting fangs into her neck?

The vampire inside Mika told him that Krul had saved his life. Even he knew that if he didn't drink human blood, he would become a demon…an even worse existence than a vampire, filled with mind-numbing pain and agony until you wanted to die. _"Become one of us!"_ The exclamation of four years ago burned inside, causing Mika to remember of how many times Krul had given her blood to him. If she could have, the Queen had the power to force him into a vampire.

She was not the one that forced his blue eyes to turn red, after all.

The apathetic shell that he had seemed not only fade away when he was with Yuu- _chan_ , but also Krul.

Only those two.

One human.

Another vampire.

"Hey, Mika." The said vampire looked to find his brother looking at him with a curious expression. "What if…that girl was human?"

"Girl?" _What the hell is he talking about?_

"The one we tried to save…" Yuu- _chan_ attempted to scratch his head, but couldn't, due to it attached to cloth in the lab. "Damn it!" the human hissed. "I mean, the Queen of Japan…um…has a really strange name."

"It's Krul." For some reason Yuu- _chan_ 's stupidity made him irritated.

Suddenly his eyes widened. _If…Krul was…human?_

His mind couldn't accept that. The thought made his head hurt, and he glared at his brother.

"I mean, you care for her, right?" Yuu- _chan_ 's green eyes innocently peered into Mika's own. "Or, you um…might see her as family if she was human…" His half-question trailed awkwardly as he stared at Mika's impassive face.

Mika shook his head at his idiot brother.

"You're my only family, Yuu- _chan_."

"So you _do_ like her!" Yuu- _chan_ grinned with a mysterious happy-go-lucky look.

 _Huhh?!_

"She's your friend, Mika! And if she's you're friend, then Asuramaru is my friend too!"

 _Wait..._ Mika's eyes widened. _I've heard that name before..._

Before the self-loathing vampire could open his mouth to speak, the door to the lab opened with a bang.


	6. Bittersweet Smiles

I'm sorry about the lateness of this chapter! Real life became somewhat chaotic, and I just had time to update tonight. Thank you for your patience. The next chapter will have less time between the hiatus.

Warning in the chapter for **molestation/non consensual touching**.

* * *

 _Bittersweet Smiles_

Krul knew that she was in Kyoto before the Fifth Progenitor even spoke. Kyoto had a different feel to it than in Shibuya or Shinjuku. There was less stress in the atmosphere, and it was warmer. Somehow the war of the past eight years hadn't reached Kyoto as much. Even if the former Queen of Japan could no longer see, the vampire could feel the difference. The auras didn't overwhelm her with reeks of fear and disgusting human emotions: Sadness, despair, hate, and desperation. How many times over a millennia had she uncovered the emotions within the helpless, bleating livestock with her eyes?

It wasn't spoken about. Although some humans knew of it. Krul suspected they didn't talk about it, for fear tha the rest of the humans would be too afraid to fight the vampires if they all knew the truth.

Vampires could see and feel every emotions with their eyes. The red eyes that looked like the blood their race lusted for seemed almost demon-like as they stared at the desperation and the ugly humanity of each human that they came across.

There were less lies in the inhabitants of the Kansai region than in the huge city of Tokyo. Something inside the pink-haired vampire stirred when she felt the laughter and joy of two siblings running in the empty streets of their city.

It was almost as if Krul could feel the hidden heartbeats within them. Those two human children. She could feel the love that the children had for one another, as if she could easily see their entwined hands. Suddenly, the city disappeared. Tall buildings with electricity and hard roads with lamps and cars were replaced by things more simple. It was only a dirt road. A long, dirt road softened by the generations of people who had lived there. The only light was by the sun or the moon. Richer villagers could have one or two candles. Small huts replaced the tall buildings, made out of wood and toil. Smells wafted from the homemade windows. The wonderful scent of cooking bread or of meat that the men of the village had gathered and caught cooking in a small cauldron over a small fire with herbs picked by the women and children – was enough for some children to stop playing or working in the yards and run to the makeshift bakery. Dirty, scrawny, some with cleft lips and others with tell-tale signs of illness, gathered around to see what treats they could possibly get away with today.

But two children were noticeably absent. They were running along a worn road, their hands clasped together and laughing. One was slightly older, his purplish-dark blue hair falling to his neck, his clothes slightly too-big and with several holes in them. His dark brown eyes lingered on the slightly smaller figure who was clutching his hand. A small red ribbon was tied in her hair that he had given to her when she was very small. She had never let it go from her hair, even when their mother threatened to cut her long hair if she didn't remove it during bathing time. The other children of the village teased the female child, who was named Krul mercilessly for the color of her hair, which was a soft pink. It didn't help that she often wore a simple dress the same shade as her hair, with no decorations or anything. Her dark brown eyes were alight in happiness as she ran with her brother to their hut at the end of the road, a bright smile echoing across her child face.

Where Mama was waiting for them.

The pain from the fire was deep enough that she had accepted that she was losing her mind. That Krul Tepes had died a long time ago. Why was she thinking about the child now? The child who had lost everything, the pathetic, weak, and whining child who had her heart shattered into a million pieces? Who was too attached, too _needy_ for her beloved older brother Ashura. Whose idyllic life had disappeared like the fire that destroyed her village, and the vampires that came into the darkness in the night.

When she, and her brother...

Krul knew that she should have never have allowed herself to think of her memories from deep below.

It would do nothing but invite pain, and weakness that Ferid was always trying to exploit. It seems that since they had met eight hundred years ago, the silver-haired vampire was eager to find out what weakness she had.

How she hated Ferid. That slimly vampire was one that she could never trust. Krul had almost laughed in mockery every time he professed his love for her. Even the youngest vampire knew that their race was incapable of love. Love was the lowest disease a vampire could have.

So much for Ferid's love. At the slightest chance of chaos, he had usurped her throne, almost killed her by draining her blood, and had hung her upside down in a lone room with blood trickling down and unable to reach it.

She had been so thirsty then. Blood for a vampire was the only need they had, and to have blood in the slightest reach for the first time in the long three months was more torture than death itself.

And now, Krul realized of what a food she was. Torture? Death? _Hah._ The punishment that she and Ferid had endured was more than torture. The stubborn child inside of her, buried deep below within her subconscious, vowed to not lower herself to Ferid's level and scream.

But the _pain._ The pure wanting of _death_.

Mika's red eyes when they were reunited after so long.

 _I'm sorry, Mika. …That you have to see me like this._

How far would she be able to stay sane? Vampires could die from such prolonged exposure to the sun without any protection. If she had been able to get herself free, like that damned Ferid, then maybe she would have been able to walk without any external injuries.

But now…

Was her brain melting? Did her eyes melt out of her sockets, the liquid oozing down her broken skin? Was there even skin left, or was it just muscle, burned to a –

"Ahh…safe and sound, huh, Your Majesty?" The voice…she recognized that voice. At first, Krul heard nothing. Her ears, prolonged to the exposure of the sun, rang so deeply Krul didn't think that she would have been able to hear again. But she heard the slight teasing in his voice, and the lightness of his tone.

She couldn't open her eyes. The aqueous humor didn't not break from the eye sockets, but blood slowly trickled down her face where her eyes were supposed to be. The fire was gone. It seems that she had been removed from the cross.

The pain and agony that she had endured for six days had disappeared. It was only then that she realized that she was naked.

A slightly cool wind brushed against her body, and a deep flutter of pain caused the pink-haired vampire to shake. She could feel her skin flaking. Her fingernails were absent, and the hair that had once identified her as the Queen of Japan was singed.

"I've always wondered what you looked like under there." The too-loud voice of the Fifth Progenitor shook her skull. "It turns out you're no more than a child!"

 _Why would he let me off that cross?_ Krul thought. _He could get worse punishment if they find out._

"Well, except…"

If Krul had been able to fight, the entire body of the disgusting vampire would be destroyed. It would be nothing like the lone arm Ferid lost when she had found that he had killed her Seraphs and found one dying. His body would have nothing left except a terrified look on his disgusting face.

But her arms wouldn't move. Instead, all Krul Tepes could do was to go numb with horror as pointed nails pinched the nipples of her breasts. They were foreign, touching her chest as if she was a mere plaything. Krul almost raged at the thought. The nails hurt. Sharp stings of pain palpated against her skin. A hand started to cup and fondle her left breast, and that was when Krul was too angry to think.

She could still move her head.

She could still move her mouth.

A wad of spit splattered across the pervert's cheek. She could almost hear his shock as she was about to use what she had to fight him before the former queen heard him sigh.

"We were having so much fun, you and I." His fingers slightly lingered on her chest for a moment before plunging his hand inside.

Krul almost choked on her blood. She tried to cough, but couldn't as agony split her body apart. His nails were digging inside, blood pouring out of the hole as white-hot pain burned across her chest. A scream was building in her destroyed vocal cords and trachea as the burning knives, sharp and deep, dug into her gasped for breath. She couldn't breathe. The pain made her weak body shudder, and Krul thought that she would –

"It's so fun, seeing you squirm. I was hoping to hear your scream."

Horror palpated her body as she felt his arms around her as he tied again to the cross. She didn't even feel the crunching of bone or the _squelch_ of blood or wounded flesh as his hand pulled from the ghastly wound. _No. No, please._ She was pleading. The vampire was pleading with everything she had. _No. No, no. NO. No... No. NO. Nonono._

 _Please – !_

Her screams almost drowned out her memories.

* * *

 _Although he was little bigger, Ashura held tiny Krul across his back. Her tiny face tried to see beyond her brother's head, but the people were too big and too tall to see what they were doing._

 _"Brother?" she whispered. Ashura's big dark brown eyes met her own. She made an "up" movement. She wanted to see why the other children were so excited, and why the older ones were talking loudly. Ashura didn't need her to speak. He was good like that._

 _She felt his bigger arms around hers as he gently lifted her up in the air. Mama always said that Krul was lighter than a package of apples. Her big smile would make her giggle._

 _Even though she was supposed to be looking at the curious creature, a cat-like creature that was had the coat of snow but much, much softer, Krul found that she was happiest to feel her older brother's hands lifting her up so she could see the sun._

* * *

 _Krul laughed. Six years old, and laughing as the women and children raged and raced after her. It was fun. Her small form was easy enough to hide. Ashura told her to hide in the trees. He had went the other way. The pink-haired child would distract the villages while Ashura found a safe place to hide until Mama and Papa wouldn't be mad at them anymore. Krul had watched Mama bake the sweets, with her eyes widening in wonder at the wonderful smells. Bread was hard to come by. It was often hard, but good. Her parents often saved the chewiest parts for their children. Sometimes, Mama even made her special jam – butter with herbs and spices and a tiny bit of dark sugar saved up from before Krul was born. Even though the daughter was often the helper in the kitchen, Mama had said that she was only allowed to watch._

 _Krul had begged Ashura to come and stop playing with his toys that Papa had made for them. The sweet scent eventually caused him too to look at Mama baking. Fried dough was heaven for the village. But to make fried dough for the entire village, for the festival, was enough for the children to want to taste the sweet._

 _They were supposed to go home when it turned midday. Dizzy from running and playing and laughter, Krul had almost forgotten about the sweets called fritters. But her big brother reminded her. He dragged her by her sleeve and told her to come. There, they found the entire basket of fritters filled with the freshest fruits imaginable. They were so good it was impossible to stop eating after one._

 _Their faces became covered in sugar and berries, and very sticky. Krul was getting full, too heavy with delicacies she wasn't used to consuming – pies and tarts and sweet breads – but there were only two left._

 _The women from the village called for them, and Ashura told herd to be quiet._

 _Even though now she had separated from her brother, and were being chased by the villages, her stomach full to bursting for the first time since she could remember, Krul Tepes had never felt happier in her life._

 _She laughed._

* * *

 _Mikaela Hyakuya smiling._

 _Why didn't he smile more? She remembered when and why he smiled._

 _It was when she told him that as long as he drank her blood, he wouldn't become a full vampire. His vacant eyes turned bright, and a large smile framed his face. He, Mika, looked happy. The golden locks of his hair made him look more innocent than from what she had stolen from him._

 _That was the last time he had smiled._

 _He had been thirteen._

 _Krul knew why Mika didn't smile. It was because of her. Because she had turned him into a monster…like her own brother did to her._

* * *

The agony was so deep and consuming Krul lost consciousness.


	7. Prelude to Meido

Prelude To _Meido_

* * *

 _72 hours earlier..._

Guren was heavy in his arms. Shinya shouldn't have been surprised, but he was. Or perhaps he was only stunned by the fact that he was holding Guren in his arms. Guren's breath was against his neck, slightly raising the hairs on Shinya's neck. How many times had Shinya imagined this? His best friend and the secret lover vulnerable in his arms, with Guren's face, peaceful and so young looking in sleep, so close to his own it was almost as if –

But it was not reality. Guren's face was not peaceful. The strain and agony around his facial muscles were even more pronounced. Guren's breathing came in fiery gasps, wheezing almost as Shinya held his unconscious friend's body against his chest. _Guren…_ Shinya thought with a growing pit in his stomach. He remembered the face Guren made before fainting. It was a look of such deep despair that Shinya had almost recoiled at the desperation radiating fear and agony leaking from his friend. Shinya had accepted that all he would receive from the dark-haired man would be lies and unconvincing truths. He would never tell Shinya anything of what he wanted to know.

The anger and sorrow the fellow ex-soldier felt had promptly disappeared when Shinya felt the despair in Guren's eyes. It was only quick reflexes that helped him catch Guren in his arms when he fell unconscious.

"What did you do?" Biting rage and shaking fear filled Shinya's cold tone as he watched the vampire Ferid smile eerily. The vampire said nothing as he continued to smile at Guren's unconscious form.

"No," Guren whispered. Shinya looked at him in alarm. Guren's face was twisted, almost tearing itself apart as veins bulged in his head. "No!" His entire body was shaking. A raw rasp of rage tore from the figure as his violet eyes snapped open. Horror filling his veins, Shinya could see a vague red color seeping into Guren's irises.

Guren tried to hide it from him. The general suspected that none of the rest of their team knew that Guren was a _Namanari_. Shinya didn't know how Guren had become one, a human being inches away from being a demon, with two forms resting within one body. The blue-eyed human had the unfortunate encounter of seeing Guren lose control for the first time. It had been seven years ago, and was a losing battle against the vampires in the city of Sendai, which still had been human territory then. They had been seventeen, and had lost a brigade of soldiers. Shinya, still new to this war against the vampires, had been scarred with worry over his teammates, who were scattered around the area.

They might have been dead.

It was only thanks to Guren losing control that the humans had maintained the city for a couple more months. Even though Kureto had stated that the _Namanari_ side of Guren was strong, and the human side weak, there was no mistaking the hint of fear that echoed in his foster brother's eyes as Guren's human eyes closed in sleep after it was over.

Guren had promised Shinya that he would be able to control himself more.

And Shinya in turn hadn't told ever-worrying Sayuri, Shigure, Mito, and Goshi about Guren's secret.

"Guren!"

Shinya's lungs collapsed in his throat when he felt a harsh push against him, sending him colliding to the ground several meters.

Shinya knew that it would be useless to call Guren now, as he saw the red eyes deepening crimson. Never before had he seen his friend react like this. Usually, it was in a sense of survival that the _Namanari_ side of Guren came out. But this…

What had happened that Christmas eight years ago, on the day Shinya had supposedly died, to cause this loss of control?

What was the truth of what happened that night?

* * *

 _Meido,_ 冥土 is the Japanese name for the place where waiting spirits are judged what should happen to their spirits. Depending on the actions taken in the spirits' life when alive, there are two destinations that they can go to. _Jigoku_ , which is very similar to Christian views of hell, for spirits deemed by _Enmadai-O_ the king of _Meido_ to be beyond saving. A very long period of labor and suffering await them. The less damaged spirits wait in _Meido_ for reincarnation.

The next couple of chapters are Guren's judgment over his choices and "sins" he committed. The _Namanari_ inside of him serves as the agony of his hell, and as for the other characters...

Can you see where I am going with this?

I thank you for your patience for this chapter. I hope this story is still interesting despite everything going on and the sporadic updates! In a couple of weeks, there will be a major change in my schedule, so I will be updating one chapter per weekend. Have a Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year!


	8. Catastrophe at 16: The Forever Night

_Catastrophe at 16, Part 2: _The Forever Night (Beyond Broken)__

The door opened with a slam.

"Yuu- _san_!" called out a shaky voice. Mika turned towards the sound before his brother could even move. Even the slightest difference between sounds could mean life and death for unsuspecting humans. For some vampires that had lived for centuries, the noises and sounds that came from the humans were soothing music to their ears, laughing at the sound of the luscious screams. Mika had one time seen a fellow vampire kill a human just because she had started screaming. The high screeching had almost made the golden-haired teen's ears bleed, but he had stared in stunned silence as the human's dead brown eyes stared useless upward, frozen in fear as her life blood seeped from the terrible wound in her throat.

Mika had gotten used to the voices belonging to the humans that were Yuu- _chan_ 's "family." It took some getting used to, such a difference from the low tones of his hated species. If he had been human, his ears would have rushed from blood that would have surged through his eardrums. But the undead cells remained the same. However, it didn't mean that what Mika had heard was anything different than what a human could sense.

He heard barely contained fear in Saotome Yoichi's voice.

The said human was panting, his eyes wide and his brown hair in disarray. Behind him was a shadow of a figure. Instead of dark colors, the figure was clothed in white. Mika recognized her instantly, even though she did not show her face.

 _Chiuu…the human said to be raised by vampires…_

"Yuu- _san_ , Mika- _san_ , General Shinya said something was wrong with Lieutenant Colonel Ichinose, and to come and get you immediately!"

The teen vampire stilled. His mind flashed back to when Ichinose Guren lost control of his inner demon. If that would happen again, then Yuu- _chan_ would definitely be in danger.

Without a pause for breath as Yuu- _chan_ shouted Ichinose Guren's name in alarm, Mika ran forward past the humans and started to run along the modern hallways of the Ichinose ancestor home. Even with his vampire speed, it took Mika several moments to find a route in order to get out of the house. His feet, normally hardly making a sound, echoed achingly hard against the veranda in his ears as the stench of fear almost overwhelmed him. _One...two…three_ Mika counted in his head. _…Seven!_ A growl echoed in his throat before he realized it as the teenage vampire recognized Ferid's smug and calm emotions among the chaotic humans. With his superior eyesight, the golden-haired vampire could easily see the naked fear and panic in their faces. The silver-haired vampire was standing behind the humans, farther away as the members of Ichinose Guren's squad continued calling their leader's name.

"Ferid." Mika's voice was calm despite the tension palpating in his body. "What's going on?"

Ferid remained uncharacteristically quiet. His eyes remained closed to the much younger vampire, and Mika turned to observe the situation. Unlike before when Ichinose Guren had become a _Nanamari_ , the area was eerily still. There was no voice belonging to the human hauntingly mocking and eyes red like a vampire's. There were no bodies strewn on the ground, blood leaking out of the wounds that had killed them. The branch-like chains that had pierced their bodies with their blood and screams were nowhere to be seen. Mika recognized the human in the front of the others. The uniform that he wore was the same, although the emotions emitting from the human with almost snow-white hair were different.

Instead of suffocating horror and despair, there was shock…and confusion.

"Guren?" whispered the human. Mika stepped closer towards the humans, who seemed too stunned to notice they were in the presence of a vampire. His eyes widened, stunned crimson orbs staring at the figure before the general of the Imperial Japanese Dragon Army.

The tall vile human that had manipulated Yuu- _chan_ and the reason why the Apocalypse had occurred had disappeared. A dark curl stood up against the dark hair that covered the head. Large violet eyes peeked through the bangs of his hair. Mika's breathing stilled as he saw the plump cheeks of a child. A black shirt and pants covered him.

His eyes had none of the distance the monster was capable of. Instead, there was only a tragic look in those large eyes.

It was as if Ichinose Guren had been transformed into a child.

 _But why?_ Mika thought as he saw the miniature form of Ichinose Guren. _It doesn't make any sense._

"Guren?" The human named Hiiragi Shinya whispered. Mika could feel his shock and anxiety come off in waves. The vampire stared at the human, reaching almost for the emotions hidden beneath the ones most obvious, but his thoughts derailed at the sound that came from the demon.

"Shin...ya?" The voice was almost inaudible, soft and high. A cold feeling enveloped Mika's chest when he realized that somehow, Ichinose Guren had de-aged and had become a child. Swollen tears began to build in the child's eyes, and the large violet eyes slammed shut as the small body began to suddenly shake. "Shinya?"

"I'm…I'm here, Guren." Mika sensed that the human wanted to touch the child version of Ichinose Guren but retained self-control at the last second.

"Shinya, I'm sorry." Tears began to fall rapidly from the child's eyes, creating a small wet spot in the grass where his tears fell. The child's eyes suddenly snapped open and pushed his forehead into the human's leg.

"You weren't supposed to know…that you died!"

Before Hiiragi Shinya could answer the small trembling child, heavy despair and agony burned in the child's voice.

"Everyone died. Everyone!" With every word that tore from his tormented lips, the desperation and pure pain became louder and louder. "S-sayuri. Shigure…Mito." With every name that he spoke, Mika felt a sharp stab of pain inside his stomach at the shock and horror from the members of Ichinose Guren's squad. It felt as if his heart was being pulled, and his mind blending into nothingness at the empty gaping hole that Ichinose Guren felt as he repeated the names of his…comrades.

"…G-goshi. And _y-you_." Perhaps it was because the form of Ichinose Guren was a child, but the horror of the agony and the weeping hole of the bleeding heart caused Mika to almost collapse as he felt the pain. His pain distorted as wounds dug into his mind, flashes of _that_ night burning into his mind. He heard a teenage Guren screaming, saw the bodies of Sayuri, Shigure, Mito, and Goshi fall as Hiiragi Mahiru broke their necks. There was no blood. Mika didn't know why he expected blood to fall. Perhaps he had seen so much of it that the vampire inside of him instantly expected that it death only came with blood.

 _No..._ Mike thought as he saw Guren desperately trying to save Shigure, with massive internal organ damage and broken ribs. Blood was coated against her mouth.

The last words of Goshi was of the name belonging to the person he hated more than himself.

" _AHHHH!"_

 _Screams. Broken...just broken. Unending pain._

The only sounds were of five necks breaking.

The blond teen could feel control slipping away from him moment by moment as the echoes of Ichinose Guren's screams destroyed his sensitive ears. His breathing halted as he heard a silky voice, empty and toying at the same time.

" _Do you hate me, Guren?"_

Mika didn't have to be a vampire who could see the devastation and despair in Guren's eyes to see that the teen's heart was –

 _Why did she kill them?_ Mika thought numbly as Ichinose Guren's memories burned into his retinas. The agony of eight long years were so _vivid_ and _raw_ were drowning out the senses in his mind, his red eyes still so sensitive to _whatever_ this was…that he could feel the hell that his enemy had gone through.

A ragged cry tore at his ears, and Mika almost tore a ligament by of how fast he turned his body. The small child – no, Ichinose Guren – was crying onto Hiiragi Shinya's leg, his tiny hands grasping the loose pant legs tightly and banging his forehead on his adult friend's body.

The violet-eyed child was speaking too quickly for a human child to speak. It was a feverish pitch, words almost incomprehensible. Mika stared as Shinya's and the other humans' faces morphed into horror as their faces paled. The human with honey-colored hair started to shout Guren's name desperately, tears welling in her eyes as Mika realized of what Guren was saying.

The sixteen year old could see two of the same age as he, eight years ago, lying on the ground. The other had dark hair and was clutching someone bleeding in his arms. The other… Mika had to stop himself from biting his mouth enough to draw blood as he felt the agony from both of the teens. One, dying and the other unfortunately living. Mika recognized the almost snow-white hair that belonged to Shinya. A deep chest wound still bleeding marked the cause of death. He was speaking to the hunched form of his friend, Guren, but Mika didn't hear the words they exchanged.

He felt everything they felt that night.

Mika could understand the emotions they felt, because somehow…the differences between them had ceased to exist. There was _so_ much _pain_ that made up Guren. So much of it that Mika couldn't even speak. There didn't seem to be a word to describe it. He stared worthlessly as his crimson eyes stared into the abyss of agony and despair within the dead beating heart.

Love. Love caused both young men to speak. _But…_ Mika thought as he gritted his teeth. _You will never know how much I enjoyed your company, Guren._ The pure fondness and adoration that Shinya had for Guren almost pressed the lungs out of Mika's ribcage. The bittersweet smile he held inside as the human was happy that the last image and last words he had was with the boy he was in love with.

 _Kimi o…_

Guren was so desperate to save Shinya. Mika could hear it in his voice. The expression frozen in his face, in his eyes made Mika's despair at never finding Yuu- _chan_ laughably pale in comparison. Guren would do anything to save Shinya. There was so much blood this time.

It was obvious. Shinya had been stabbed repeatedly six times.

But that was the hardest part.

Knowing of what would happen.

* * *

The tears fell from Guren's eyes.

Shinya was telling Guren not to cry.

Suddenly, Mika could not see the memory of eight years past as his world – or, wherever he was – became bathed in red. It was a dark crimson and a thick liquid that the vampire would normally crave despite his urge to rather die than consume it. Instead of soothing however, the blood became a nightmare.

Too many words and voices for the golden-haired vampire to differentiate…to understand as they came drowned in screams. _Where did they come from?_ Why were the voices of the humans that he knew were standing where his physical body was aching in his eardrums?

…His entire self?

At last, when Mika thought he could take no more, he heard them.

Hyakuya Mikaela heard the beautiful and tragic voice of Hiiragi Mahiru.

「生きる意味ってなに？」

 _Why, indeed._ Mika thought. Too many times late at night, when he was a half-vampire and could still sleep, to as a full vampire wandering in circles in his tormented mind, did he think the same.

Was it the same for her? Hiiragi Mahiru, the vampire who had slaughtered Ichinose Guren's friends, and the reason for this insanity?

Did she ask herself why she lived?

「だめだ！」

「止まれ,」Mika whispered. He didn't know who was speaking. If it was the sixteen year old human, or the vampire who was hearing the tragedy whispering in his ears. 「止まれ！」The vampire screamed then, the deaths of Guren's friends playing in his mind.

Of the blood splattered across the floor as Guren held Shinya, his best friend and realizing too late he was in love with the dying young human.

「止めて…！痛い…痛いよ。」 _Stop...!_ Mika gasped inside as he realized that the voice shouting in his mind was his own, his own too-damaged voice as deep-buried memories surfaced. It was as if he was a five year-old child, again wanting his father to stop beating him but not knowing how. _It hurts..._ the child-Mika thought with his voice, pitiful voice. _It hurts so much..._

「…生きる意味が、あったよ。君に会えて。で、逃げずに、甘ちゃんのまま、死ぬ。これ、一周回って僕の勝ちじゃないか？」

Shinya and Guren had promised to live and win together. But...

 _I used to think I knew what my reason for living was. I thought about Yuu-chan all the time, so I thought… My reason for living in that hell in the Underground City, after our family died. My reason for going on missions, to see if I could find him._

 _My reason for accepting his blood and becoming a hated vampire._

 _For continuing to live this hated existence._

 _Is that all it is…? Is Yuu-chan the only reason I continue to live?_

 _But now…after seeing them…I don't know what to think anymore._

 _What is truly…my reason for living?_

* * *

"Mika, Mika," came a sing-song voice. Vaguely, the half-aware vampire could feel fingers covering his eyes. "Don't faint on us now, Mika."

"…Why?" A stunned, faint rasp tore from his dry mouth. All Mika wanted to do was to run away, but he felt Ferid's sharp fingernails dig slightly in his eyelids.

Mika's hair rose when he felt Ferid's nails caress his hair, almost as if he was the child he was in the Underground City again.

"He's closer to becoming a demon now, Guren is." There was an inhumane joy in Ferid's tone. "That will be messy, but so fun! The last time…I had this much fun…was when this happened to," and this time Mika felt Ferid's breath against his hair, using every ounce of self-control to not rip off Ferid's arm.

"To Krul Tepes."

* * *

「…生きる意味が、あったよ。君に会えて。で、逃げずに、甘ちゃんのまま、死ぬ。これ、一周回って僕の勝ちじゃないか？」

My reason for living was you. When I met you. So, without running away and sweet as it is, I will die. This, is this my win? (Translation rights go to Z-chan.)


	9. Catastrope at 16, Part 3: Eternal Rebuke

_Catastrophe at 16, Part 3: Eternal Rebuke_

 _Someone…_

There was enough silence to break an entire world. One crack could undo the plane providing only darkness, destroying the safe, self-hating world that the lone figure had enshrouded himself in.

Instead of wearing his usual JIDA uniform, the figure wore a dark blue yukata. It draped around his thin but strong form, toes calloused and tough from the running and torment they had endured for all his life. His father often said that running barefoot would be good for the head of the Ichinose branch. Although Guren only went barefoot when he trained outside in the high summer months to the airy autumn with its blissful colors of orange –「暁 の色ね。きれい、グレン？」

As always, his father's voice was one of the ghosts that haunted him.

The other colors that framed the grounds and the house that Guren grew up in were enough to make his child-self look up in awe, forgetting that he was an Ichinose, forgetting that he had so much weight on his shoulders. His father would often smile at the sight of his son's wide-eyed expression. _Far too many times,_ Guren's father would whisper to himself when he thought his child was out of earshot, _he acts as if his childhood has been stripped away._

It was at five years old that Guren had first heard about his mother. Only the sad look as spring passed or on the day of the autumn festival did Guren know that his father was thinking about the woman who gave birth to him. It confused him sometimes. He knew even then that the children of the Hanayori and Yukimi branches had mothers, and the heads of the branches had wives. Why, then, was his father alone? Why was it that only he and his father sat across from each other, eating the meals that the cook from the Akishino branch, a young man whose ancestors that were exiled from the Hiiragis five hundred years ago along with the other retainers as followers of Mikado no Tsuki?

Guren had completely healed by autumn from the Hiiragis attacking him. Mahiru's cries and pleas for them to stop continued to bore in his mind. Perhaps his father was still guilty of being unable to do anything. Even as a very young child, Guren remembered feeling his father's warm tears as they caressed his wounds. His father held him incredibly close in his arms, almost crushing him to his chest as the father whispered that he was sorry that _"his old man was weak."_ Although, five-year old Guren thought that his father looked happy. His eyes didn't glance at his son as the adult started talking about his mother.

" _You look so much like your mother, Guren."_ A soft smile graced his face as he looked down at his child. _"Every time I see your eyes, they remind me of her."_ The older Ichinose explained that his mother had been a retainer in another old house loyal to the Ichinose. _"She protected me, not the other way around. That's the difference between us, ne?"_ There was kindness and self-loathing in his tone. A sad look in his eyes.

" _You have the power to protect people."_

親父…だめ。だまだよ。

Still, in his memory, the older Ichinose continued.

" _She loved autumn, with leaves like this. Did you know…my son, that you share the same kanji as the word for when the leaves change color in autumn?"_

" _Dad," a very small Guren looked up at his father and curiosity glowed in his eyes. He knew that his father would never lie to him, but it seemed like a strange conversation. For so many times with no answers had he wondered why his name was so different than the other children he had known since he could remember – although, Sayuri and Shigure were only two people. "Is that true?"_

" _The changing in color of the leaves translate as_ kouyo, _the same as the character for crimson." For a brief moment, Guren's father continued to stare at the trees. Then, he bent down and softly caressed his stunned son's cheek. "Your mother believed you would be the lotus to bring prosperity and strength to the Mikado no Tsuki. Maybe that's why, when she died…_

 _Guren's father stilled. A lost look crossed his expression, paling his face as Guren's face stared at his father's troubled expression._

" _Lotus also stands for love, Guren._

" _I don't know who you love, but I am certain you will find them."_

 _Someone…please…_

 _Help me…_

 _Help me…get out of these memories._

"Shut up, shut up, shut up. SHUT UP!" Guren roared at his child self. He could see the tears in his eyes as if he had been transported eighteen years into the past. Swollen, too big violet eyes begging to be released from the pain. Pitiful, weak eyes…not capable of doing anything. Or protecting anyone.

Had that really changed?

So many people had died. His mother…who had died mysteriously before he could remember. Then it had been his father, executed because his teenage son couldn't kill the girl he loved. So many others…so many precious others whose names were more precious than his own.

Nothing had changed. Not really. He was only under the delusion that anything had changed. That he had gotten stronger. Smarter. More capable to lead. But the reality was…

It didn't matter.

His father still died to his indecision to kill Mahiru. His friends had died because he had been too slow to protect them. And he had failed to protect the girl he had loved, who had been a pawn and a tragic tool from the start, from the moment of her birth.

So many assumed that Ichinose Guren had killed her. Even Shinoa, the youngest and the most precious to Mahiru believed that the male lover had been forced to kill her older sister. Some called him a hero for it. Others were wary of him and the fiction of Hiirgai Mahiru's end. But in the end, Guren was unable to save her. He had been unable to kill her even as hatred in his veins stilled whatever love he had for her.

Had Guren truly loved Mahiru? After all she had done to set in motion, crumbling his life until it had turned into ashes, was is truly love if he had simply stood and watched her die? Somehow Mahiru knew that Guren wouldn't choose her to resurrect. And she died from Noya's curse…taking whatever humanity left he had.

Guren had too much blood on his hands. There was enough to fill the world he was imprisoned in. Blood from his comrades made from his decisions. Blood from the vampires. Even demons died. Death. Always…death. Voices whispering in his ear driving him insane inside, haunting his body until he felt spams of pain agonizing his abdomen. Was it truly the right the decision he made? Five individuals considered more than billions? For ten years of life, as opposed to his own selfish loneliness?

So many people suffered…pleaded for death, alone and forgotten, because of him.

For his own pure wish to see his friends again.

Shinya's face flashed in his mind. Every interaction they had together, when they first saw each other at the First Shibuya High School when Shinya tried to test his strength. Shinya's strangely beautiful face, his eyes alight with a smile…his voice…his jokes.

His love.

To see them all again.

Was that truly too terrible?

Every day, Guren went and memorized the names of the recruits in the JIDA who had died. Even Shinya, who constantly badgered Guren and always in his office, had no idea that Guren studied the fatality roster in the Japanese Imperial Demon Army. For so many times, he had a wish that he could just end himself there. The entire world was a fucked-up shithole because of one decision he made.

「どうして生きしてる？」

Did he regret it?

No. Never, would he regret his decision.

Guren should have died a long time ago. It wasn't when asked the vampire to end his life, beyond the word of broken eight years ago. He realized when the vampires began to reign and the new world coming to fruition that his parents had been wrong. The crimson in his name was not the symbol of love.

The crimson was blood…blood that should have been his. It would have taken such a small hit to kill a five year old child, even one having trained every day since he could walk. Such a small thing…why didn't the Hiiragis do it? It would have been so much easier.

 _No._ Guren thought then.

俺が…生まれてちゃった。

His mother would still be alive. His father too. Although their lives would be harsh surroundings the Hiiragis, they would have found happiness. His father would have gotten a child to be proud of. Sayuri, Shigure, Mito, Goshi, and Shinya would be alive.

Yuu's life would have been spared the pain of living. At twelve years old, he had told Guren that it hurt so much to live.

The vampire Hyakuya Mikaela was correct.

 _Shinya…_ He thought about if they had never met. Where would this other Shinya be now, living in modern Japan, a world without monsters and vampires? It was his fault.

 _I feel that I'm going crazy. But…I know that you, Shinya…would be as beautiful in that world as this one._

There was nothing in the world Guren was in.

Ichinose Guren wasn't even certain he existed. Through his thoughts alone, the twenty-four year old man knew he was alive. However, it felt as if the limbs that had been attached to his body were no longer there. Listless, without a physical form, the thoughts continued throughout the empty, pure black space as if it truly was the end of life.

Well, at least it wasn't blood-red anymore. When his brat-self had screamed enough to destroy his eardrums, the blackness had morphed into deep crimson blood. His violet eyes – if he had eyes in the first place – would have widened at the sight of so much blood.

In fact, it was so thick, oozing and weeping downward onto the plane, that Guren could feel the blood surrounding him.

It choked him. The blood filled his nostrils, making him gag from the heavy metallic taste along his tongue. His body was punishing him for not having a physical form, and so Guren felt his mind suffer the consequences. The brain was an extremely delicate part of the human and vampire anatomy. If it bleed too heavily from a wound so small that the human eye could not see, there was little hope for the human to be who they were anymore. As in, their brain would be denied of enough oxygen that they would be declared brain dead. Their entire existence depending so much on such a small organ.

Thoughts. Feelings. Logic. Such things only came from the brain. That's what some thought.

Guren's father was not one of them. Guren didn't know what his position was.

The red liquid almost had a physical form, strangling his thoughts and making him numb to whatever surroundings were left. He could only see the blood continue to ooze and weep over him.

Telling him…reminding him…of the blood spilled that night.

Of the blood and sins he committed.

Of how…Guren was certain he deserved this.

As the blood came closer and closer to squeezing whatever was left of him, Guren thought idly that the blood was not crimson at all – it was black.

Black, as in the color shown during the deepest night.

* * *

This chapter is for people who thought and think of Guren as evil for making his choice.

「暁 の色いね。きれい、グレン？」 _Akatsuki no iroi ne. Kirei, Guren?_ Dawn's colors, aren't they? Pretty, right Guren?

「どうして生きしてる？」 _Doushite ikishiteru?_ Why I am still alive?

俺が…生まれてちゃった。 _Ore...ga umaretechatta._ I shouldn't have been born.


	10. Your Name

I didn't mean for this chapter to be so long, but poor Guren and the others had different opinions. I will be very busy the next couple of weeks, so this might be the last one in a while! I hope you enjoy the latest installment in _Abyss of Humanity!_ Speaking of which, I should probably rewrite the summary...

* * *

 _Y _our Name__

 _ _Sob. Sob.__

The warm body that Shinya had enveloped in his arms faded. His last memory was of the feverish pitch of Guren's voice – Guren as a child, his eyes locked shut and his small, despairing face burrowing in Shinya's legs. The voices of his comrades didn't seem to reach him. Wetness clung to the fabric of his legs, Guren – _with his violet eyes hidden and annoyed as Shinya talked to the secluded teen in their classroom, bypassing the foolish creatures that thought of this_ dog _below them, his shout as he and Shinya fell, and later, fought inside of the pool before watching the fireworks during that summer they were sixteen. Tears falling from his eyes, as he watched over his squad, thinking his best friend asleep as he pleaded for the voices to leave him alone that night. And –_

 _And then –_

Shinya crouched down until he could see little Guren's face. With gentleness he didn't even know he possessed, the blue-eyed soldier pulled Guren's face away from his leg and stared at him. Deep sorrow was etched in every cell. The violet eyes that still were bright in childhood were dead now, almost black pits with eternal rebuke and horror. Red and streaked with tears, with his mouth half-open from the abrupt motion of staring at the kind man's face. Soft, and hoarse moans slowly came from Guren's mouth. It wasn't even whimpers.

Tears fell, staining the ground.

"Guren? Guren?!" _Hyakuya-kun…_

Shinya knew how much the boy cared for Guren. If not for his demon Ashuramaru, Yuuichirou would have died in Nagoya from defying orders to rescue his superior. But this was a much more delicate situation. One in which Hyakuya Yuuichirou did not have the emotional intelligence to understand, _no matter how many similarities he and Guren shared_.

Guren's child body was soft in his arms. There were no hard edges, no attempts of turning away or no unsatisfying answers. Shinya wrapped his arms around the child's shoulders, hoping that Guren would take comfort from him. _Guren…_ Seeing his best friend as a child, Shinya understood of why Mahiru had fallen in love with him. His large eyes were even more violet than as an adult, and his child face was adorable with his small nose and plump cheeks. But his manner…Shinya had heard from Mahiru, when she humored her adoptive brother-fiancé and talked about the child she met during the summer her mother was killed by the Hiiragis.

" _He wasn't very interested in me, always ignoring my questions, and appearing annoyed whenever I talked too much."_ Still, a smile was held on her face whenever Mahiru talked about the dark-haired boy. _"But…that was because I was a Hiiragi, and he was an Ichinose. We were both trained from the day we were born to forget we were children and train our bodies to fit our father's desires._

" _He was so kind…to me."_

Despite himself, Shinya felt tears starting to grow into his eyes at the thought of Guren at that age. Already, holding the desires of his branch and the world on his shoulders, and yet still…as pure as a child could be. Shinya remembered himself at the tender age of five. He had always smiled as a child, and always took the greatest of pleasure of pleasing his parents. That was why he scored so high in the prestigious kindergarten his parents placed him in. It was not to became part of the famous Hiiragi family and bring genius blood to the line. His parents' smiles and words of pride were enough to keep his world turning. He thought of himself, wearing a heavy winter coat his mother had bought for him and a ceremonial yukata knitted by her as well during the ceremony where it was announced that he was one of the children who had the honor of graduating from the kindergarten.

But he didn't see his parents. His father's gentle face and smooth hands that taught him the most difficult words and held his hand since he could remember was not in the sea of faces. Nor was his mother, with the snow-white hair he had inherited from her anywhere to be seen.

Shinya had cried for days. The other children had exhausted themselves trying to explain to the distraught boy that his parents had sold him for money. Eventually, some ignored him and his crying or shouted at him to shut up. Soon, too soon, they would be the ones crying, and Shinya believed in his heart that he had no tears left.

What if they had met? What if, instead of Mahiru, Shinya had met Guren instead?

 _I failed._ Shinya's hands shook as his fingers trembled. _I…couldn't protect you, Guren._ He continued to hold Guren in his arms, his tiny body releasing puffs of breath as the adult felt his control melting away.

"Guren…should die…"

The words sent cold water down Shinya's back. His entire face paled as his eyes widened impossibly wide as he stared at the swollen eyes belonging to the child who spoke.

"Guren…" The child-like term for one's self escaped his mouth again. Shinya's wide-eyed stare continued to puncture in the child's face.

"Guren…should die."

* * *

 _Sob. Sob…sob…_

"Shinya?" The human turned, flinching at the sound of his name. All he had heard for the past – Hours? Minutes? – time had been sobs, drumming into his head.

"Goshi?" The illusionist nodded. Sayuri, Shigure, and Mito stood across from him.

"What are we doing here?" Sayuri asked, turning her amber eyes towards Shinya's blue. The loyal retainer had an unusual fierce expression in her eyes. "We have to go back to Guren- _sama_!"

"I agree." Shigure intoned. Concern was etched in her obsidian eyes, and her fingers subconsciously reached for her shuriken. _But they were no longer there,_ Shinya thought with his expression shocked. _She hasn't used them in eight years!_

Mito was silent, staring into the darkened space.

"Guren!" The older adults turned to hear the voice of Yuuichirou calling for the person they were looking for. "Guren, where are –"

"Shut up, Hyakuya Yuuichirou," hissed the dark voice of Chiuu. Strangely enough, the hotheaded boy became silent.

Perhaps even the most stubborn of the Imperial Demon Army's recruits realized that this was a dark place. Not a place of light, or dreams, and happiness. But of darkness and despair. The air was stanched in guilt, and fear…if those emotions had a smell. Decay and blood and rotten soil, rotted around Shinya's breath, half of his brain controlling him so he didn't choke.

Sobs continued to be the only noise they could hear. _I don't like this,_ Shinya thought to himself as he shuddered. His mind flashed back to Guren becoming a _Nanamari_. _I…feel as if the blood has been drained from my body. As if…the sword I carry has been replaced by blood._

Silently, Shinya walked forward. He wasn't truly aware of the others following him. There was nothing to see. The entire world was made out of darkness.

"What is this place?" Yoichi asked quietly.

As Shinya continued to walk, he became aware of whispers following him. Not whispers belonging to this group, no. Whispers belonging to people long dead, or…who _had_ died. In the short time he had known Ichinose Sakae, Shinya remembered that Guren's father had a slight catch in his voice whenever he spoke about his son. The soft timber as he spoke to Guren on his phone (the perks of the borrowing the technology to "spy" on his enemy had been ingenious), and Guren's own softer tone, fondness, and unconscious worry for his father's wellbeing taking away the façade of a boy who didn't care for much of anything. Even now, Shinya could hear the conversations.

"Guren- _sama_ …" whispered the voices of Shigure and Sayuri. The males belonging to Guren's team fell silent at their somber tones. Shinya could faintly hear the high voices, both in childhood and adolescence, belonging to the two people who had been in Guren's life since they were born, appear in Guren's memory.

 _"You don't have to worry, guys…"_

The impossibly young voice belonging to Guren was a sharp shard in Shinya's heart. He closed his eyes in attempt to stop the sharp pain in his sternum.

"This is the place where you usually meet your demon." Shinya's voice echoed, the sound emitting from his mouth too quiet. "Normally, a blank plane with your demon is all you can see. But…" A sigh eased from his chest as a cry bubbled in his throat. _No…no…Guren. No, why?_

 _"When humans become demons, their inner mind becomes like…this. A dark plane with no light and whispers that haunt this space."_

 _Guren…_ Shinya thought blankly as his mind blocked out to the shocked gasps and strained expressions and yells that were surrounding him. _Guren…_

Blood was dripping from a wound originating from his hand. A slow trickle fell onto the ground, the drops audible in this terrible world. Clear liquid began to fall as well, the drips turning the blood into a reddish hue. Shinya made no effort to hide that he was crying. His face hurt, scrunched up and eyes slammed closed. Tears were trailing down his cheeks, his left hand half cupping the left side of his face in a vain attempt to stop the tears.

 _I…_

 _I…couldn't save you._

 _Guren, I…_

Sobs burned into the world, but they didn't come from him. Shinya's swollen eyes widened as the image became clear before his eyes.

Guren was crying. His small five-year old body couldn't handle the violence of the sobs his body was producing. Therefore, his body shook. His hand attempted to cover his mouth, and wipe away his tears, but the swollen liquid kept crawling from his eyes. Shinya was astonished to find that there were multiple versions of his best friend in Guren's crafted hell.

The sixteen year old Guren was crying too, although his tears sluggishly wept, his head bowed and his eyes with nothing left in them. The fight that Shinya had first seen when they first met, and the life he had in his eyes was gone. A prayer was on his lips, and it took a horrified Sayuri to realize that this Guren was coated in blood. The uniform that had identified him as a first year Shibuya student was dripping red. There was blood in his hair, dripping along his cheeks. The face that Shinya had memorized in his sleep was devoid of life, as if he was an actual vampire with nothing to live for.

Their Guren – the present Guren – was staring at them, expect with a small smile on his face. It shook Shinya's heart to see that smile, because…it wasn't the smile he dreamed that he would see one day.

It was a smile of a person who has given up, has accepted their fate…and ready to die.

"You will kill me, won't you, Shinya?"

"Huh?" The shocked noise that came from Shinya's voice as their Guren turned to _him_ with _that_ smile struck him dumb.

"After this, you will kill me." Shinya couldn't speak. His limbs were in shock. His eyes were still as he stared at the sad smile of his best friend and of the man he loved. "Shinya."

"Hell he won't!" Yuuichirou's voice shook through the emotional instability Shinya had found himself in. "Guren, you're the one that told me to live, live even though it felt that you were dead, until you found people that made you live again! Didn't you?! You told me that the person you cared for, you couldn't protect them…so you didn't feel alive! But…" the young man's voice rose in desperation. "You found a purpose again, right?!"

"Guren!"

"Aah." The reply came from not the adult Guren, but from the sixteen-year old bathed in blood. "We did." The voice was dead. Rasping and gone with anything resembling human, it carried in with its despair. "We lost…that person." Shinya could feel Yuuichirou's stunned expression as the sixteen year old Ichinose Guren stared at them. The grief in his eyes was beyond desperation and helplessness. There was nothing. Nothing in his eyes that signified a beating heart or a soul.

 _Doushite mada ikitshiteru?_

The voice whispered.

"It wasn't Mahiru we lost." Shinya recoiled at the ironic smile that seemed so out of place among the blood. "Mahiru…we cared for her…but we…did nothing as she died."

The child continued to sob.

"It's okay," Guren soothed his youngest self. "It's okay now."

"But why?!" Guren, five years old, scanned the people surrounded him and wept harder. "It's Guren's fault! If I...if Guren was stronger…we…!"

"I didn't kill Mahiru." The monotone voice was almost lost in the cries that came from the child. "I hated her then, wanted her to die. But…I didn't kill her. She died on her own. Instead… _you…"_ There was something wrong. A hard thud echoed as the teen Guren suddenly fell to his knees and held his head in his hands. His lips could barely form the words.

" _You_ died instead."

The shock was instantaneous. Although Shinya knew that he had died, from the knowledge of that vampire, the effect if had on him was completely different. Guren was on his knees, tears leaking from his eyes as he lowered his head completely onto the ground. His hands, coated in blood, curled and never let go.

"Mahiru killed all of you. I couldn't…we c-couldn't…." Guren said, his voice louder with each siccative breath. "Protect any of you."

"Mahiru told us that if we revived you, then the curse would envelop the world." The smile that Guren had vanished. A somber, cold look passed across his face. "We could either have chosen to have allowed the world to live, or to sacrifice human, vampire, and demon blood to see our friends again for only ten years."

"Ten years…?" Mito whispered. Her voice shook, but she continued even though tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. "But Guren, that means…"

Guren was silent. Then, laughter escaped from him. It was a laughter Shinya had heard from Mahiru many times before. A sorrowful, hysterical laughter.

"I truly am a piece of shit, aren't I?" Guren's eyes were too bright. Too sorrowful. The name of the too-loved human wanted to fall from Shinya's lips, but the utter despair in those eyes paused the want. "I begged fucking Ferid to kill me, because I had no reason to live and knew, _knew_ that I would damn humanity with that choice. But…no…my suffering was interesting to him.

"And yet…here I am…having destroyed so much and so many lives taken from the blood on my hands. _It won't come off."_

Now Guren, beautiful, tragic Guren was crying. Tears fell from his eyes as he shook his head, his hands between his forehead shaking so much they trembled without his consent.

"I just…wanted to see my friends again…"

There were no screams. Just the truth from a heartbroken man.

"I wanted to see Shinya again…"

There was a collective gasp from the humans as Guren continued to whisper Shinya's name.

"Waah!" Guren cried, his tears soaking the ground as sobs tore from his throat, the child shaking. "I want to see Shinya too!"

"We didn't want to live anymore without our friends."

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

"Guren…" Shinya whispered. Neither seemed to hear him. "Guren…" he tried again, seeing the tears fall from _his_ Guren's eyes. "You did all you could do that time. I'm…we're not angry, Guren."

Yuuichirou was uncharacteristically serious.

"When I said I knew what happened, Guren, I didn't blame you. I know what it's like…and I wouldn't have anyone suffer like I did!"

"You should, you damn brat!" Red and shiny with tears, teenage Guren attempted to keep his voice under control as his tears continued to pour from his eyes. "I destroyed your life! I weighed the lives of my selfish wish, and wanted…" An ugly sob tore from his throat.

"Something that would make me live again!"

"Guren!" Wide violet eyes stared up at him as Shinya cupped the teenage version of his lover's face, tears streaking down his cheeks as the lost look in his eyes continued. "Guren…"

" _Boku no Guren…"_ Tilting his head slightly, Shinya rested his forehead against Guren's, remembering of how Guren's locks would always get tangled if he didn't wash his hair every day. Shinya would always tease him about it, but inside he always thought about touching Guren's hair and wanting to see the look of shock, as Shinya would hold strands of hair between his thumbs as Shinya leaned to kiss the boy he loved. _"Boku ni totte…kimi wa…inochi no motto mo kichou na hito da yo."_

Tears trailed down his cheeks. Guren was looking at him in stunned silence. Widening his eyes, that Shinya loved, he opened his mouth to speak. But Shinya gently caressed his fingers onto the teen's lips and softly shushed him.

" _Ano yoru…bukotachi hanashita toki….jistu wa. Jitsu. Kimi wa…boku no ikigari datta. Mata ima yo. Dake, boku no koukai wa kimi o aishiteru to iwankatta chatta."_

"Shinya…" The whisper of his name caused the young man to look up to see the present Guren looking at him as if he hadn't seen his face in a very long time. His mouth was half-open, and trembled.

"You…love…me…?"

"Aah." Shinya replied. Tears ran down his face, but the smile that caressed his lips made his face look bright. He smiled so wide his eyes closed.

"I love you, Ichinose Guren."

"No matter what happens, and no matter the time…

"I will always love you."

"Guren." There was a will that Shinya had heard a handful of times before from Sayuri. The strong woman loyal to death for her master shone through. "Yuki- _chan_ and I don't even remember…when we first met you. Our fathers said that we would watch you as you slept, already beginning to bond at the moment you were born.

"And…we always knew you, Guren. We knew what heart you have, what kind of person you are, Guren. The secrets you kept inside these years…did you not think they hurt us too?!" Sayuri stared at her former master and leader. Her eyes were red and she wouldn't look away. "It hurts when you hide your pain from us, Guren! It hurts when you hide anything! We…we _died_ for you, Guren- _sama_ , and we would be willing to do it again if it meant you could smile and be happy! To be kind to yourself, because you sacrificed so much, not out of the monster you make yourself as!"

"Do you think we didn't notice how you took on too much, Guren?" Goshi asked. His tone was somber and sharp, but not unkind. "We knew of how you took on every soldier's death, every set-back as if it was your sins that made it happen. Who knew it turned out to be true?" he half asked himself. "Every breath of the world lied on your shoulders, as if…you held every moment in your hands to be dealt with. To be brought back to the light. You fought, every moment for the humans to become free again...to give them hope that had been taken away. It wasn't for the Seraph of the End."

"No, no, _no, NO!"_ Guren screamed. "You fools! I did research Seraph of the End…for the purpose of bringing you back again! I knew…" he moaned. "I knew…that you would die, and I would be left alone. _Hitori de naru..._ " the man moaned, choking at the word. _"Hitori de...naru."_ Guren glared at the figures with desperate eyes, a gasp sounding between his teeth as tears landed onto the black and unforgiving plane. "At the sacrifice of everything else, of my humanity, of my _everything_ , I looked for a cure so that…you could live past the ten years without sacrificing more lives!" He looked directly at unmoved Yuuichirou. "That's why you should hate me."

"That's why I should – no, I _need_ to die."

"For everything I have -"

"No, Guren." Shinya spoke to the teenage Guren, who was clenching his eyes shut and mumbling under his breath. "You are doing more…than enough, Guren. Much more…than you should have taken." Taking the boy's shoulder with his arms, Shinya looked directly in Guren's eyes. "Let us…take the burden for you, Guren." The child form of Guren was crying still, but his cries had ceased.

"We _love_ you, Guren."

Slowly, the forms of Ichinose Guren began to disappear. The child faded, looking up at Shinya. Shinya felt Guren in his arms fade, but he did not let go. Too much had already been taken from him.

Soon the only Guren was the present one, and the two eyes met each other before Guren's eyes rolled back into his head and started falling onto the ground.

Shinya caught him before he hit the floor.

Guren's head was in his lap. He was lying quietly in Shinya's arms, his face never leaving the one above his own.

Without speaking, Guren's trembling fingers reached to press against Shinya's chest. His fingers brushed slowly against the wound that had killed him, and rested against the heartbeat drumming against his hand.

"You're alive…" Guren whispered hoarsely. His mouth opened, and closed again as a look of pure happiness filled his eyes. _"Ikiteru_... _"_ Again and again Guren said those words, his voice collapsing with the weight of the secret he had held desperately inside him for eight years.

"Shinya…" Almost like a prayer, Guren whispered his name.

The man was crying. He was crying so hard that Shinya felt every shudder of his breath, every tremble in his weak, precious form. He felt the tears trail down Guren's cheeks. Shinya, the boy and man who loved Ichinose Guren, held the man he loved in his arms, feeling the release of eight long years of hell and horror that had been imprisoned in his love for so very long.

Until all was quiet.

And Guren slept.

At least, Shinya hoped so.


	11. Equals

_Last Time…_

" _He's closer to becoming a demon now, Guren is." There was an inhumane joy in Ferid's tone. "That will be messy, but so fun! The last time…I had this much fun…was when this happened to," and this time Mika felt Ferid's breath against his hair, using every ounce of self-control to not rip off Ferid's arm._

" _To Krul Tepes."_

* * *

 _Equals_

"K–Krul?" Mika became eerily still at the sound of Krul's name. His eyes narrowed at the sight of the child Guren _(since when did I refer to him by only his first name?)_ continued to sob. The Guren who was the physical age of eight years his senior had vanished to be replaced by his child self. Mika's mind shattered at Ferid's words, the unnamed look in his eyes haunting him.

Because there would be no possible way that Krul would have fallen to that impurity.

"What are you talking about?" Ferid only cackled at the dangerous glint in the blond-haired vampire's expression. The laughter echoed in Mika's mind, reminding him of all the times Ferid – He gritted his teeth, almost breaking his skin at the memory of Ferid smiling as Mika yelled at Yuu- _chan_ for not responding to him, as the other humans were eerily still.

 _"All of them are in the mind of Ichinose Guren now, Mika. Only those closest to him can go into the mind of those about to become a demon. So you have to wait to hold your precious Yuu-chan, ne?"_

Mika tried to not allow his mind to wander what would happen if Guren would become a full demon with Yuu- _chan_ still in his mind. What would happen to him then? Would he be okay? Would he be lost to Mika forever if Guren took away the last precious person the golden-haired vampire had?

"You look _really_ scary when you're mad, Mika." Ferid's teasing tone of voice did not sway the anger building in the younger vampire's stomach. "Why do you _care_ so much about the Queen? Oops," his eyes managed to avoid the death glare the red eyes gave him at the intentional mistake. "I forgot…I dethroned her and almost killed her…" A hint of a smile was on his face.

 _Why…_ do _I care?_

"Ferid." Despite not knowing why, the rage curdled inside Mika's body, causing the veins carrying those unsightly human emotions to freeze. Like black ice, the voice was impossibly cold, and the vampire knew that if he had been human, he would taken off Ferid's entire left arm from the less-faded away human emotions. A flash almost took the former human as he saw, again, Ferid walking with his limbs attached, laughing and smiling as if nothing was wrong, and Krul… _Stop._ "Now."

The sickening smile still played easily on the silver-haired vampire's face.

"If you must. Did you _really_ think that Ichinose Guren was the only creature to fall into a demon?" Stone-cold silence was the answer. "How do you think Krul became Queen of Japan, Mika? By sheer power? By the intelligence and _schemes_ that you livestock think you have?"

"I…" For once, Mika had no answer to either the question or one of his own. His memory of the conversation he had with Krul in her throne room was still vivid in his mind. He remembered of how he was forced to his knees at the strength she had as she almost crushed his hand.

" _I don't think I can trust you anymore."_

" _Do you think I would hesitate to crush such a puny life as yours?"_

But somehow, what remained more strongly was of how her fond smile aimed at him as she left, calling him her _"selfish son."_

 _Is that what she thinks of me?_ Mika asked internally, lost again in the haze that he always found himself in, when thinking of Krul. He didn't know why that notion bothered him now.

Before, he didn't care of what she thought of him.

As for the first question, Mika had already pondered that question many times during sleepless nights.

"She could," he whispered.

"But she didn't." Mika looked up in surprise at the seriousness that was across Ferid's face. "Or rather, she did, but didn't."

 _What the hell is that supposed to mean?!_ Mika wanted to shout in frustration. Ferid seemed to find his expression amusing, for his silver hair tilted into his eyes as he observed the impatience growing in the younger vampire.

"Krul Tepes had less power than _you_ when she was turned. I remember how cute she was. Oh, how I wanted her for my own as a pet!" Ferid sighed as apparently reminisced about the distant century, but Mika's eyes froze at the familiar tone Ferid used when describing Krul. So much did vampires use disgusting names for humans when they were taken or about to be slaughtered.

 _Similar to…_

Before Mika could even rip Ferid apart, the next sentence stunned him.

"Not that she would have allowed anything to happen if her brother hadn't killed me first."

"What are you…talking about?" _Does he know?_ Mika thought with sudden fear. His eyes scanned Ferid's but he saw nothing but superficial amusement. He almost swallowed at the sharpness of the fear that entered in his bones, his dead veins. The tension in his body was so thick that he had to crush his fingers in his hands.

 _Does he know why Krul was researching Seraph of the End…?_

"Her brother, known as Ashura Tepes. Now known as Ashuramaru, the demon in your angel's sword."

Mika ignored the sultry tone Ferid used when talking about Yuu- _chan_. His ears didn't even register the last name for the…the demon. Instead, all the puzzle pieces were fitting into place.

 _So…_ If Hyakuya Mikaela could have laughed, he would have. His fingers continued crushing themselves in his hands, and a small bubble of laughter did want to come free out of his chest. It had been a long time coming.

How was he so _stupid_?

"Mika?" If he had been a human, the tone Ferid used would have been concern. But instead, a less-bored look appeared in them.

Ashuramaru was the demon in Yuu- _chan_ 's sword. His actually identity was Ashura Tepes, the brother of Krul Tepes, who was the vampire that turned him into a monster.

It was almost too simple. Krul Tepes had been using him all this time to get to her brother.

 _But wouldn't you have done the same?_ A small voice whispered in Mika's ear. The logic, and the truth of the situation didn't seem to matter. Yes, Mika would have done the same – no. He would have been worse. Much, much worse in ways to find his brother compared to Krul.

How much blood had been spilled by his hands, how many glares that Yuu- _chan_ sent him at the lengths he took to find and to continue to only protect his family?

Then why…

 _Sore de wa…doushite sonna ni…kizutsukeru nda?_

The kindness given to him by no one else.

The painstaking way she fed him her blood. Mika had once stated that he didn't need her blood if it caused her pain, but Krul had only called him a weak fool. Ferid had to explain to his younger, naïve and empty self of what would happen to a vampire if they didn't get human blood. It was something Mika always thought about at night.

Why did Krul always seem to smile, or as close as vampires could come to a smile, when she saw him?

Why, despite the price on her head, did she continue to protect him? From the Council? From the very vampire telling him this very story? And why…

Mika had never told anyone, not even Yuu- _chan_ of how Krul had turned him into a vampire. It would cause immense scrutiny, knowing of how vampires often used humans as livestock and very rarely turned them. They were seen as lesser even as full vampires. By turned into one by a kiss…

Shinoa, with her morbid obsession with virginity and anything to do with bodily fluids that were not tears and blood, would be impossible to shut up.

Kissing was an expression of trust and love by the recipient and the giver. Romantic love, an expression of safety and _don't be afraid, I am here_ were one of the meanings of a kiss. Krul had only known him as a Seraph, a broken boy whose last memories of his parents was his mother telling him that he would be a good boy if he jumped out of the van. His father, having beaten him as his mother did nothing since he was five until the age he had been found, among the shell of his parents' car, their bodies melted into the metal, by Saitou-san.

Perhaps Krul thought of him as simply another plaything. A way to reach a precious person beyond her reach.

 _Why does it hurt so much?_ Mika thought as he cupped his face. A faraway look was in his eyes. _I have no heart. I am a vampire._

 _This has nothing to do with reuniting with Yuu-chan. It has to do with me. And yet…I feel as I can't even shed tears._

 _Because somehow, I can't manage to physically cry._

* * *

The second part is coming ahead! It's about to become interesting!


	12. Humanity of Oneself

Dear readers, I do not know when I will update next. I will not be updating for the next week because I will be on spring break and visiting family. Then, I have midterms and a paper to write. I hope to update before the end of March. I hope this chapter sustains your (if there is any) frustrations! This chapter is more on Mika's thoughts than anything else, and next chapter will be more talking.

* * *

 _ _Humanity Within Oneself__

It took three days for Guren to regain consciousness. Mika still remembered of how Hiiragi Shinya carried Guren in his arms, his blue eyes intent of nothing else than looking at the unconscious body in his arms. Mika had been extremely relieved to have Yuu- _chan_ back where it was safer than the plane he and the other humans had been locked into before. According to Ferid, Ichinose Guren was becoming a full demon. The blond-haired vampire would have vanished into the agonizing and self-destructive mind that was Ichinose Guren to see for his own eyes that Yuu- _chan_ was safe, but because he and the human had been enemies until recently, Mika had been barred from entering the plane.

The sight of the white-haired soldier carrying his beloved human in his arms, staring at the almost sleeping figure as if he was the most precious person, made Mika think back to how he had carried Yuu- _chan_ that day in Shinjuku. _It wasn't a gesture of love._ Desperation, selfishness, and _greed_ drove him to carry the human boy in his arms.

" _I need to save my family!"_

 _Mika grounded his teeth, rage and frustration at the demon humans from taking his brother away and brainwashing him into a_ pawn _. It made him so angry that he couldn't think, only about taking his reunited brother and running away with him forever._

" _I'm your_ only _family!"_

What it shame? The vampire inside of him scoffed. Shriveled guilt and _something else_ made Mika not able to meet his brother's confused eyes when his red eyes wouldn't meet his vibrant green. He turned his head away from them as Hiiragi Shinya and the others, including Ferid, went back inside the Ichinose family house.

Mika spent most of the three days in silence and solitude. Yuu- _chan_ attempted to talk with him, but Mika's foul mood was bad enough for the slightly younger teen to find less malignant company. To the vampire's surprise, he found that his mind was too busy unraveling itself and too deep in his troubled thoughts to care if Yuu- _chan_ was angry with him or not. During those nights, Mika would often stare at the moon. It was beautiful, glowing white and with stars across, blinking from its light, but ephemeral. The brightness of the moon would turn into the sun. Even feelings were ephemeral. It was so easy for an emotion of love to turn into hate. The bonds that humans loved and lined with adoration would turn into ash, and become nothing but an echo. The greedy humans, with their pure and hateful feelings.

He remembered the question he asked Crowely. Mika didn't understand of how his emotions were fading, when there were times that he felt such unquenchable rage and…despair.

Mika had been one of the few who visited Guren hours after he had first woken. The details of the events didn't matter; the humans were so happy and concerned Mika had to look away from seeing anything reflected in their eyes. Although pale and his violet eyes hazy, Guren had been sitting up in the bed Shinya had placed him in three days prior. Even though he was a human and half-conscious, Mika felt something inside him snap at the sight of his eyes.

" _I don't…hate you." The words halted, making Guren raise his eyebrows at the vampire's discomfort. A slight blush coated Mika's cheek without meaning to. "When I saw your memories…it was as if I was there. …As if I was actually there on that night." Unevenly, he sighed as tension rolled off from his shoulders. How did it truly feel to no longer hate the human named Ichinose Guren? Mika had blamed him for everything – the war between the human and the vampires, the Seraph of the End experiments, manipulating Yuu-chan, and events that were not even his fault. Mika only blamed him not because it was a logical conclusion, but because if he blamed anyone else…_

… _The reflection would be staring right at him._

" _It's wasn't your fault of what happened." Mika spoke softly, more to his mind quietly rebelling against the words that were escaping from his mouth. "You couldn't have predicted that Mahiru would have gone crazy, any more than you would have been able to save her." Guren was watching his pale face carefully, his own expression unknown. "What you did…after losing them…I couldn't handle what happened."_

 _The words were too close to his human heart to bear to peer any closer other than the superficial meaning. At the thought of those memories, of the screaming and humanity too deep in pain to save from itself, Mika continued speaking to Guren._

" _You were worse than beyond saving, and so…I don't blame you anymore, for anything."_

 _It took a couple of moments for both human and vampire to acknowledge one another. The vampire began to exist the small traditional room when Guren called out to him._

" _You need to do something about your own self-hatred too." Eyes widening and frozen still as if ice had coated his bare skin, Mika was barely able to listen to Guren as the dark-haired man continued. "Truly, Hyakuya Mikaela." There was a serious tone in his voice that Mika had never heard before directed at him. And it was the first time that Guren had called him by his name._

" _I don't want you to become like me."_

Hours had passed, and day turned into twilight. Mika still had not deciphered what Guren meant at that time. As he was sitting by the windowsill in the room "given" to him by Yuu- _chan_ , Mika's sensitive vampire ears could hear the voices echoing outside. He could hear the deeper and emotional voice belonging to Guren, and the softer, gentler tone of Shinya, forgiving again as the words reached Mika's ears. _"You need to do something about your own self-hatred too." Not yet over your self-hatred yet, are you Ichinose Guren?_ Mika thought as he heard whispered words. He turned his gaze away from the moon as he heard the sounds of rasping and kissing. Even though, Mika could still hear sobbing as kisses continued to be shared by the two humans.

It was foolish to believe he would be able to clear his thoughts after exiting the scene of the lovers Guren and Shinya sharing an intimate moment under the moon. It was said that the Shinto spirit Tsukuyomi would always watch over pairs of lovers. Finally, it seemed that the female spirt of the moon had allowed the two humans who had suffered so much some peace.

And yet, why did the thought of what Mika had heard make an uncomfortable feeling in his throat? Was it because he had yet to experience love like that? If Ferid had it his way, Mika would be in love with Yuu- _chan_ , but the vampire did not feel that kind of love for Yuu- _chan_. His thoughts wandered, not exactly focusing on one thought and not the other.

"What are you doing here?"

Mika had been so wrapped in his thoughts that he didn't realize that he had walked into a room. Its traditional floors were bare, and there were hardly any belongings. The vampire scanned the room, annoyance building. Ferid had the bravery of waving to him, at ease even in presence of an annoyed Mika who could easily tear him apart. Crowley was there too, his red and black hair almost obscured by the darkness of the human…if their eyes were human. Both older vampires appeared almost content. Staring at Mika in amusement and also exasperation.

The lone human eyes stared at him. Her height barely reached his chest, and yet the darkness and emptiness in her eyes caused Mika to spare a glance. Chiuu had changed her Japanese Imperial Demon Army uniform into more traditional Japanese clothing. Her kimono was tattered, stains of blood crossing the fabric, but Mika could see a sense of ease he hadn't seen before when she had interacted with anyone before.

Perhaps it was because she was in the company of vampires, and according to Yuu- _chan_ , Chiuu had been raised by vampires.

Or perhaps it was because she too had forgiven Guren for his involvement in her so-called family's death, although there was no indication of this previously.

Either way, shivers shook Mika's spine, as if he was twelve years old and staring at Ferid again with terror in his eyes, his family briefly alive, when she spoke.

"We need to talk about Krul Tepes."


	13. A Single Reason

Warning for child abuse and strong language.

* * *

 _A Single Reason_

"What do you mean?"

The three figures, two vampires and one human, didn't answer him. Mika stared at the beaming look Ferid was sending him, and attempted to still his movements as all he wanted to do is push the entire group of them against the damn wall and tell them that he had no idea –

"Krul Tepes. Interesting name, isn't it?" Crowley was sitting down and both of his fingers were entwined with one another, one sharp tooth sliding out of his mouth. "Originating from a land now known as Romania, taken from a prince. It's truly a ridiculous and sad tale that his name became so twisted and degraded because of us."

His red eyes bored into Mika's own, as if to remind him what the blond-haired vampire wanted to forget every second of his undead life. Mika had read about Vlad Tepes III as well. Vlad the Impaler, born in the fifteenth century, had been the _voivode_ of Wallachia. He had been a hostage in the Ottoman Empire to secure his father's loyalty to the regime before he and his oldest son were murdered by the Hungarian governor. During that time, the young man invaded Wallachia, and during his purge of the Wallachian boyars, he also plundered Saxon villages, capturing the survivors and impaling them once reaching Wallachia. The reach of his cruelty had no bounds, and the prince was murdered in 1477.

Due to his cruelty and knowledge of his deeds, the fictional depiction of Count Dracula threatened the existence of vampires, and at the same time, brought to light to the true cruelty of the race.

"Now why would she choose such a name, Hyakuya Mikaela?"

"How should I know?" Mika stated, hoping the apathy in his voice would fool the vampire from speaking any more. _Even as a boy,_ he thought to himself as his eyes wandered across the barren room, _as a child beaten, I knew the story of vampires. It was kind of interesting to me though. Even though my father was originally from Russia, he still –_

"You know why you are here, Mika." The young vampire ignored Ferid, the anger continuing to burn in his abdomen as if he had forgotten why he was annoyed and furious at Ferid lately. At the corner of his eye, the former blue-eyed human saw another pair of red eyes staring at him, a faint smile on his lips. Across from him, an expression of apathy echoed across the human girl's face.

 _Stop smiling._ Mika's hand trembled as it clenched into a tight fist, the tendons and bones in his fingers visible as he fought to remain in control.

(He had been tense since the day Krul had – had been taken from him. First by Ferid, and then by the shitty Fifth Progenitor, where they had no idea where he was, and _everything else_ was going out of control.)

"Why do you even care about her?" Mika asked. He stared hard at the faces, and was not surprised despite something similar to nausea spilling into his gut at Ferid's laughter.

"We don't care about her, Mika. Who said we ever did?" Laughter echoed in the room, and it deafened Mika's ears despite having heard much louder sounds. "We never did, especially not me!"

"The humanness in you…is _adorable_ , little Mika."

"Shut up," Mika growled, an acidic feeling deep inside him at the thought of that laughter, and of Ferid ignoring him. The silver-haired vampire had his attentions on Crowley.

"Then what about her, Ferid? I would hate to call her adorable."

Oh, yes." Ferid playfully shuddered. "I would hate to call her that, although I have professed my love to her hundreds of times."

 _Love?_ Mika's eyes became smaller as he remembered the first moment he had fled Krul's side. Ferid didn't even listen to her as Krul stated that maybe they would make a deal. _Love? That wasn't love, Ferid._ He gritted his teeth. _You didn't love her at all!_

 _And yet…_ A sad, almost ironic smile played across his lips. The emotionally-confused vampire wasn't aware of how tightly he was grasping onto anything, for stability in his mind. Mika knew now that Krul had only used him to get to her brother. Yet, Mika could not help but feel. He wasn't even certain what he was feeling now.

 _…What, exactly, does that make me?_

"The first sign of human weakness is to research the Seraph of the End."

"It's a disgusting human experiment," Mika muttered. "Because of that, Yuu- _chan_ and I –"

"It can also turn a vampire back into a human."

* * *

The entirety of Mika's rage and frustration disappeared as soon as those words registered in his mind. His breath stilled, and his hands were released from the too-tight prison they had been in. Shock conveyed on his entire face.

"…What?" A rasping, aching voice that didn't belong to him echoed in the room. He had a sudden memory of Ferid telling him that Krul was attached to him only because she was searching for her brother.

"Why…?" Mika tried to grasp the information he had just learned, his eyes wide and looking at Ferid. A child-like whisper echoed. This wasn't how Mika imagined it. The teen had almost died in order to not become a vampire. Every human he saw had their veins and arteries visible to him. Mika, even at twelve years old and the mercy of Krul, hated the thought of consuming human blood and becoming like the monster that slaughtered his family. Despite causing him immense pain and suffering, the still-aging half vampire continued to survive on Krul's blood. By the time he was sixteen, thirst for human blood almost made him insane.

He wanted to find Yuu- _chan_ before the humans had completely corrupted him, and for them – even as disgusting pieces of nature – to find him a cure, to make him turn back into a human. But instead, Mikaela's entire body trembled, and he cried as he drank the blissful essence of his brother's blood. He didn't want to become a monster. He didn't want to become a monster that only sought out the rich and dark liquid. It was so good after denying himself for so long.

Mika blamed his brother for turning him into a monster.

Mika, looking into the past, remembered the dark-haired boy's words.

 _How can I ever find happiness as a vampire...when I don't even remember what it feels like?_

And now he was hearing the impossible.

Not only that, but _Krul_ was searching Seraph of the End to turn him into something that he wanted to be within the deepest fracture in his heart.

"Why would she…?"

The sad smile Ferid gave him shocked the golden-haired seraph. It was a smile that Mika knew that meant, _not one of us anymore._ It almost seemed genuine, as if vampires were capable of genuine emotions.

 _But Krul wants Owari no Seraph to bring her brother back. To…turn him from a demon to a vampire again. So why…_

"Because she loves you, Mikaela."

"Love is the most dangerous and disgusting emotions of human beings," Ferid continued as Mika continued to blankly stare at him. "It dictates everything in this world, and we vampires still scorn the emotion that would destroy generations of history, glory, and existence for just one chemical imbalance."

"Who knew that Krul Tepes, would become this human…this vulnerable to the lowest feelings of humans."

"To fall for a human who hates her kind..." Ferid continued as Mika continued to not understand the semblance of words. "Worse yet, he still hates us, even though he _is_ us now."

"What about her, I wonder?"

"Happiness." Ferid continued as Crowley and the human remained silent but curious at the two figures. "There is no happiness in this world. You know this, Mika." He stared down at the pale vampire, taking his long hair with his two hands, and bringing his face up to his nose. "Even with your precious Yuuichirou spouting all this nonsense of _"it'll all be fine!"_ and _"we can work together!"_ and _family…."_ Ferid actually sneered, the first open disdain on his face, making him more frightening than Mika would admit, deep within his mind.

"Shut up!" Mika roared. Without thinking, his head collided against Ferid's, and a sharp _crack_ boomed in the empty space. There was no blood. But that didn't mean there wasn't hurt and pain in Mika's eyes. "Yuu- _chan_ is all I need! If only he would listen to me, he and I would –"

"You truly are annoying." Mika sharply turned to find the human walking towards the two vampires. Her gaze seemed turned on him now. The hatred and bleeding disdain almost choked the vampire, and it took Mika only a second that the hatred was aimed at him.

"You think humans are fucking fantastic, don't you?" Her eyes were cold, colder than the snow mountains in Russia, and her screaming voice, with a low timber as opposed to most human females that he reluctantly knew, almost made him hiss from the agony in his ears. "Yes, you hate them too, but only because of what they did to _you_ and your family! You envy them, with their ability to feel, to laugh, to not be stared at like a _monster_!"

Suddenly, a sunny smile was placed across her face. Her smile continued, hauntingly disturbing, as she continued. "It hurts being a vampire, doesn't it? To be stared at, just because you're different. From looks...to the crimson eyes. Just because you know things, or have done things that make others… _uncomfortable._ The entire universe is composed of so many sentient beings. Why are vampires so hated, so shunned…when they just have to survive?"

"They are thought of as evil, and as the enemy. Monsters."

The trembling of her fingers only hinted at the agony she was feeling.

Again and again, she repeated that word under her breath. It was only then, looking at her short bangs covering her eyes as her head was bowed, that Mika remembered of who she was.

 _Chiuu_. _The girl raised by vampires._

"I was thought as a monster too, you idiot, you stupid _fool_! Because I was raised and loved by vampires!" Her eyes revealed everything for him. Beneath the cool exterior, was deep emotional scars and agony, so deep and vast it enveloped every cell. How many times had Chiuu ignored comments everywhere she went, haunted by memories and nightmares that she was unable to tell anyone about? Too many times people shunned her because of who she was, and who she chose to be. It wasn't too long ago that Yuuichirou had wanted to kill her too for siding with the vampires.

"Do you truly think vampires are truly evil and your enemy? They are only surviving! If they do not drink blood, then they become worse than what they hate themselves to be! Where do you think demons come from, Hyakuya Mikaela? From vampires not drinking blood! Denying their thirst and not their humanity! Humanity...as if it is something only humans can have.

"And yet, I was abandoned by my own human parents. And raised by people everyone considered monsters. My…family hated drinking blood, but they had to in order to live. You have to tell yourself that you are drinking something that will sustain you, and not think about the emotions or the fragility of your mind if you want to survive! Do humans even think of anything, or feel the pain of their food as they eat? No…and that's because it's easy on the conscience when the food is dead." Chiuu's dark eyes lowered to the ground.

"I lost everything to me that day when Ichinose came and destroyed the only ones I loved, thinking that he was _saving_ me." She spoke quietly now, as if she was in her mother's arms again, lulled to sleep by an ancient lullaby. "He didn't save me. He destroyed me.

"And what about you, Hyakuya Mikaela?"

Mika was unable to divert his eyes. She was staring at him deeply, as if she could see each of his sins within his soul. Flayed. Flayed and wounded he was, without even the ability to speak. Imaginary blood weeping from the holes in his body. _She's…_ Chiuu had spoken the words that no one had even challenged to speak to him. Or perhaps they hadn't even thought about it. Vampires…as…not as monsters.

It was odd. The only vampire he only thought about that way was…

 _The smile Krul gave him echoed in his mind as if it had only been a moment ago. As if he was still by her side as a servant._

"Do you really think that life will become easier just from turning into a human again? What about the other vampires that will not feed on you, but kill you? That's what you want, isn't it? Wake up, you stupid boy. We can't do much in this world, and even if we did eliminate all the vampires, do you imagine that the world will fall along into nice little pieces of peace and harmony?"

"I…"

Chiuu stared sadly at him. "The humans are wrong. The vampires are wrong. This _world_ is wrong. We are each trying to obtain what we can't accomplish. The only thing we can do is find something that will make us happy, something to fulfill us despite the despair of this world."

"What will that be for you, Mika?"

"I…" Mika thought of Yuu- _chan_ then, but the smiling image of the human became blurry. Wet and then crumbling to dust, the image faded.

"Or…" The human's eyes narrowed, and her face become hard. "Or are you that pathetic that you have nothing to live for?'

 _"SHUT UP!"_ Mika roared. Rage and confusion from the _interrogation_ shook him. Every bone, every cell, was alert and almost ready to tear out the human's throat. "SHUT UP about _everything!_ I hate being a vampire, I _hate_ that Yuu- _chan_ and I…can't talk like we used to…but most of all…"

The hot fury and tingling in his body snapped. There was only a boneless feeling. An empty feeling as if he was a child again.

 _His father, blue eyes and wild golden hair with knots beating him as he pleaded for him to stop. Blood and bruises collecting along his ribs, stomach, and face, his wide blue eyes not understanding why, despite behaving so well, that his beloved papa was hurting him…Telling his mother that he wanted to be a good boy to his parents so they would be happy._

 _"You will be a good boy if you get out of the car."_

 _Flames and screams from his parents' car as they horrifically died. Their son, only seven years old, beneath the snowy sky as tears ran down his cheeks. Why did his papa hate him so much? Was it something that he did? Why didn't mama do anything to stop it when he started hurting?_

 _Why did he push her away when he was mad? He didn't really mean to._

 _Why were they dead when he was alive?_

So many memories flashing in his mind. So many moments of regrets. Palpating on his tongue, almost drowning out his screams for blood.

"…I hate…not being able to do…a damn single thing."


	14. Mikaela

Sorry, guys. I meant to upload this much earlier, but RL (real life) got in the way. I hope you enjoy this chapter, at least a little.

* * *

 _ _Mikaela__

"I'm tired…of not being able to do a single thing…"

Mika's voice lacked the sharp rage that once defined it. Now, a vast emptiness, so deep its aura seeped into the room. He was no longer looking at the enraged and then mocking expression of Chiuu, or at the gazes of the vampires. His own words deafened in his tormented mind, causing his lungs to stiffen and the carefully constructed self that he had made as a child, disintegrated with each breath he took.

The dull red eyes belonging to the self-hating vampire, enough to be called the ugly stain of dried blood, were lowered to the ground.

"I couldn't…change anything. With my father…or mother." _No matter how well I behaved, or of how quiet I was, my father would always beat me. It didn't matter if I didn't make a sound, no matter if there was a blow to my head, or if I was covered in blood. I…_ Mika tried to swallow the memories, but the purging of the wounds inside almost caused a hemorrhage – a flood – of old feelings and regrets. _I was a good boy. I wanted to make my parents happy again…like they were when I was a very small child. My papa…his face became flooded with rage and hate whenever Mama came back from one of her religious meetings, and took it out on the most vulnerable person._

 _Me._

 _I didn't understand why he was so unhappy. I pleaded so many times for him to stop, but that only made him angrier and beat me more. And Mama…she didn't do anything._

 _She would simply hide away, whenever he would beat me, and for some reason…I didn't really hate her for it. I loved her._

"Not when they died…or when I came to the orphanage."

Mika gritted his teeth at the numbing pain, scars burning at the memories that continued to imprison his mind in the past.

His own, tragic, and self-hating past.

Mika remembered not wanting to hold Saito's hand because Saito had done so much for him, and he probably didn't want to hold the damaged hand of a child. His smile to the adult had almost caused his jaw to crack, and the muscles ached. Even as a small child, Mika understood that smiles could often hide what was most damaged in a person.

At first, the blond-haired child didn't know what to with himself. There were no beatings, no tension in the small house he and his family had lived in. Mika had asked and asked, but none of the smiling caretakers had any answers about his parents' bodies or their house. Perhaps something inside him knew that he would become a vampire, because Mika would often not be able to sleep. The other children were sleeping, snoring quietly or making small noises under their breath. His soft feet would slightly echo along the wood, as he walked the hallways unseen.

Then Akane came. She was so bright in her smiles and laughter that Mika couldn't help but imitate her. Perhaps if he was able to pretend to be happy as she did, then maybe…someday the emptiness inside of him would go away.

The happiness became real. Or perhaps, what he thought of as happiness. He found, back then, that he loved making the children at the orphanage smile. Did Mika really know what happiness was?

 _I...truly didn't think of my own happiness. I didn't think I deserved it. I hated myself, and my name most of all. Why would someone like me be named after something so beautiful? I hated myself, despite the smiles and laughter that I brought...and I couldn't understand why the children loved me. But...I wanted to be needed. I_ needed _to be needed,_ and _looked to others to fulfill the emptiness inside of me._

 _But then..._

"When my family was slaughtered before my useless eyes, and I could do nothing expect bleed and plead for Yuu- _chan_ to run." _I couldn't even die properly._ "I couldn't even die properly."

"And I _still…_ " Regret and grief pulled at his heart so strong a strangled gasp almost tore out of his throat. Dizziness clashed against his eyes, pulling at the sudden nausea building in his abdomen.

"Can't. Do. A. Damn. Thing."

"What are you thinking of now, Mika?"

The young vampire snapped his neck to see Ferid not smiling, but his mouth in a thin line. As if…

 _Why…can I only think of her?_ It was as if her arms, hiding her strength and warmth, were around him. Almost as if her entire body were embracing him. Like a sheath to a sword. _It should be Yuu-_ chan _I should be thinking about, even though he doesn't need me anymore…_ But even so, the last look Krul had given to Mika, and of how he wasn't able to look as she burned, did not leave him alone.

Why was he still angry, at the thought that six days had passed, and they were still unable to find her?

Instead, Mika countered the question with his own. "Is it really true that Krul wants the Seraph of the End to turn her brother Ashura into a vampire? And me into a human?'

Ferid didn't blink. "Yes."

Mika turned his head from the sentient beings in the room. He was looking up at the ceiling now, staring at the small cracks in the walls and wondering, quite briefly, what the sky looked outside. _I can understand why…Krul would search for Seraph of the End. But for me…why? I don't understand that part. Why would she go so far for me…with nothing in return? Is that why she lived all these years, centuries, for one simple wish?_

 _Love…is that…what she truly feels?_

 _And me, do I…?_

"Do you trust Krul Tepes?" The question reminded Mika of the conversation he and Yuu- _chan_ had in the military vehicle in the stubborn period of Nagoya. Mika hadn't answered his brother. He had told him that she was the one who saved his life. Yuu- _chan_ , as always, took it as a sign that Krul Tepes could be trusted, and that he should be happy that she saved his life.

The words Chiuu had shouted at him wandered in his mind.

 _No. I didn't trust her. And the only defining feature was…that she was a vampire._

His fists clenched. Why did it hurt so badly when he admitted that?

 _They say you love me…and yet…why do I continue to not believe it?_

He remembered all the times that Krul had embraced him during the time he was in her throne room. How gradually, as time passed, he began to show more emotions than fear and despair. Eventually, those feelings disappeared. Replaced with…

With…

Care. Worry. It took him a long time to notice of how tired Krul was after she fed him her blood. There were times that Mika wondered to ask if she was okay. Her white polar and faint gasps worried him. But he didn't voice his concerns years later, when he had assaulted her, and was so impatient and thirsty that he didn't even register how roughly he was handling her until he was done.

The only other person besides Yuu- _chan_ that could cause emotions out of his apathetic shell was Krul. He felt all range of emotions when he was around her. Even the negative emotions stirred an amount of joy inside him. What was it that his human brother had said when he had first woke up? It was then that he began to realize the hold Krul had over him.

Had he ever smiled, or felt anything akin to happiness in the four years of his separation from his brother? Mika had foolishly thought that once he and Yuu- _chan_ were together again, he would be happy. What a narrow-minded fool he was. During the three months he and the other humans were hiding from the JIDA and Guren, Mika's mood took a turn for the worst. It wasn't often that he was unsociable. But during the three months he was there, the teen vampire spent most of his time looking after Yuu- _chan_ with tension rising and spiraling with each moment he remained _stuck_ there. He was aloof to the humans who called themselves Yuu- _chan_ 's family.

Mika was worried about Krul, even then it seemed. Inwardly, although his face remained passive and telling no one anything, he had been impatient to start the rescue. The last words Krul had told him frustrated him. He didn't understand them, or why Krul told them to him.

Why did it bother him that she might have been in pain?

"What if she was human, Mika?"

The last question caught the golden-haired vampire off guard.

"W-what?" he asked incredulously.

"If she wasn't a vampire," Chiuu continued, "if _you_ weren't a vampire, then all of this would be clear to you."

Mika shook his head angrily at the human. "Krul being a human is…illogical. Being a vampire is who she is…and I can't imagine her as anyone else."

There was a slow, mocking clap from Ferid. It continued even as Mika glared at him to stop, but a smile was grotesquely ugly.

"You finally grew up, Mika!" There was another sound of clapping from Crowley. "Now what do you want to do?"

 _Really?_ The anger wasn't present. Perhaps it was because he was thinking of all the times he had failed to notice the world around him. Or maybe it was because he was remembering something. Mika had been fifteen. Krul had been lying leisurely on her throne after he had finished feeding. A sound wanted to come from his throat, but Mika had forced it down from the strange expression on her face. It was almost…idyllic. Content. Her eyes were still looking at his, and suddenly, Krul asked if he would come closer to her. Not knowing what to do, confusion on his fingertips, Mika obeyed. He was shocked to feel her arms around his. Her hands encircled his waist, and her head lowered against his shoulder. Faint puffs of breath eased from her mouth. Mika didn't know why, but he found Krul to be warm and comforting. How many times had Krul embraced him like this? Many, but this was different.

He could actually feel her smile against his neck. Her hair was not as thin as he imagined it to be, and it ticked his face. _So soft…_ he had thought. For a moment, he wondered what if feel like if he had smiled back. Had he already forgotten how to smile?

But then, Krul pulled away, a smile still on her face, and dismissed him. He could still feel her smile against his neck, and self-consciously touched it. The strange content-ness continued to bask along her mouth, and Mika willed himself to look away. It was such a strange occurrence that Mika didn't mention it to Krul the next time he saw her. It seemed that the next morning, things were back to normal.

 _I want to…rescue her._ Mika thought of all the times she had saved him. He thought about the smile he had felt against his skin. _And I want…_

He thought of Yuu- _chan_ , and of the love between Guren and Shinya. _I don't live for anyone else. I thought I did, the reason why I lived, but…that's not quite true. It's exactly as Chiuu said. Why do I live? It's not survival. Is it truly…just to become human again…or something else?_

 _To find happiness is the most basic of instinct of humans. Is that what I'm doing…when I may have had a small piece of happiness all along?_

"I want to rescue Krul," Mika finally said. He looked at the faces surrounding him, and was shocked to find a calm feeling inside of him. "It has to be no longer than two days from now."

"And why do you want to rescue Krul Tepes, Hyukuya Mikaela?'

Ferid was smirking at him, he knew. Mika shoved the anger down his throat as an unbidden memory rose in his mind. His father putting his mother to bed, a fond smile on his lips. A caressed, beloved whisper, saying...

The occupants in the room seemed pleased. However, before Mika could possibly comprehend the gravity of what he said, the vampires stood.

"In order to rescue the Queen, we need as much strength as we can. Although blessed with the Third Progenitor's blood, Mika, you will perish with your blood everywhere if you face the Fifth Progenitor now."

Mika nodded. He thought as much.

"You need to train. A vampire's strength is more than the innate strength and capacity for swordsmanship. So…in order to reach beyond a millennia of swordsmanship and strength, I, Ferid Bathory, formerly Mikaela, will train you faster than the Fifth Progenitor than in the time he was turned."

The teen stilled.

 _What?_


	15. Zero Hour

Hello, readers. I wanted to update this chapter earlier, but I had assignments, and had a serious case of writer's block As you can read below, I am not very good and writing fight scenes. Hopefully that will be different in the next chapters! The next two chapters will be separated into two parts, and then comes the reunion!

* * *

 _Zero Hour_

For three days and nights, Mika trained. Throughout that time, he thought about what Ferid had called himself. _Mikaela, the exact same name as mine._ No matter how many times the young vampire demanded, the other simply smiled and parried against his sword against his.

It took Mika no time at all to deduce that Ferid, throughout the years he had known him, had been playing with him. The young vampire had been stunned when, at dawn with the sun barely shining in the sky, Ferid had run towards him so fast Mika had thought for a moment that he had disappeared. _No,_ the teen had thought with his arms hastily grabbing his scabbard on his left side. _He's moving, but so fast that the eye, including a vampire's eyes, can't see._ As soon as Mika had barely finished his thought, Ferid was pointing the end of his sword to Mika's neck, with the younger vampire useless on the ground.

 _"I am only the Seventh Progenitor, Mika. How, I wonder, will you fare against Ky Luc?"_

And so began the training that would define Mika's strength. But the word training implied a set of individuals that may not be equal in power, but were teaching the trainee how to become stronger. _This,_ Mika thought as he gritted his teeth as the bones in his leg realigned and cracked as they healed, _is not training._ In the hours that followed the first day, Mika had discarded most of his uniform. The whiteness of the uniform had darkened with dirt, and Ferid seemed to linger at the sight of Mika's slim body. Mika had ignored his stare, promptly holding his sword and running towards Ferid with as much speed as possible.

He still, as Crowley called out observing, got his ass handed to him.

Because Mika had swallowed Krul's blood, and being "turned" by a noble vampire, his strength was immediately three times more than that of a regular vampire. He never truly had to arduously train, or manually gain his strength, because the power was already at his fingertips. Mika had been shocked when, at the age of fourteen, he had a message delivered to him. The message was not from Krul, requiring his presence or otherwise, but to go to the center of the capital, where he would collect his uniform. Mika had stood in line as the other vampires lazily talked to one another, as a hooded figure handed each one of them something. Mika had simply stared ahead, morose and aloof, wondering when he would leave. Despite hating the vampires, Mika had almost watched with respect as the hooded vampire handed him his small vampire's uniform. He remembered of how he thought of how small it looked, and the heaviness of the sword in his hands. The vampires had teased him that the young blonde boy was still as weak and arrogant as a human as he exited the site where so many vampires were moving outside to the vampire capital. Mika had to learn by himself how to train with a sword, and what it meant by calling the sword to drink their blood.

Looking back, Mika wondered why he hadn't asked Krul to train him. But it was because he didn't trust her. She was the Queen of Japan, enslaving all humans, and the harbinger of all that was evil in the world. Mika couldn't trust her. Now as the older former human healed a broken arm, Mika wondered if he would have been stronger if he had trained with Krul. The golden-haired seraph certainly would not be in this situation.

Ferid loved to taunt him. It didn't help that Crowley loved to add comments to Ferid's already-vicious taunts. As Mika found himself staring at the blade again, he would grit his teeth in anger and frustration. Ferid thought that he was irritated at the fact that he hadn't managed to "win" a battle yet. That wasn't…exactly true. But, inside Mika would wonder if he would be able to face the Fifth Progenitor if he was this weak against Ferid. And then there was…

Krul.

Would he be able to rescue her?

It seemed odd. Mika would often think of her as he was "battling" Ferid. Although he hadn't mentioned the time, it would be nine days since Krul had been attached to the cross and burned in the sun, and Ferid walking away, safe from harm. It had been six days since the fiasco with Guren had begun, and all the humans – _all_ of them, including Yuu- _chan_ – seemed to enjoy watching what was happening. Mika found himself inwardly screaming in annoyance at Yuu- _chan_ 's teasing. It didn't help with the agony slowly suffocating his sanity. Not in the same way as depriving himself of human blood, but of a sanity that sharpened the emotions that Mika had thought, believed as he had stared without rage at Akane- _chan_ 's decapitated head, disappeared.

He didn't understand. Mika didn't know how long a vampire would be able to live after such long exposure to the sun without the needed protective rings. He didn't know what to do when he faced the Fifth Progenitor, or where he had taken Krul. But what Mika understood was this.

 _I am tired of not being able to do a single thing._ It took a long, hard look at his own self to make him realize why he was obsessed with protecting Yuu- _chan_ , distrustful of his comrades, and of wanting to run away with him, just the two of them in their own little world. Mika wasn't able to do anything to prevent what had happened in his sixteen years, comprising of human suffering, loneliness, and happiness, with a vampire's longing for a place in the world. If he was able to protect his brother, take him away from all that could hurt him, then they would become family again, and protect each other.

But the reality was harsh and cold. Yuu- _chan_ was Yuu- _chan_ , and Mika wondered what it was that he wanted. Was turning back into a human his dream that would resolve all his hurts and pains?

Or was it something that he wasn't aware of yet?

And, although he denied it, Mika acknowledged his feelings for Krul, the Queen of Japan, and the vampire who saved him. _I want to save her. When I couldn't look at her as she burned…it was because I couldn't see her in pain. I have to save her, because maybe, I will begin to understand why I feel what I feel._

Suddenly, Ferid's sword stopped. Mika was about to lunge at him, but the look on Ferid's face made him stop. An unknown expression, filled with _something_ , reflected in Mika's eyes as the vampire stood.

"We leave for Kyoto at dawn, Mikaela."

"Kyoto?" Mika said. "Why–?"

"It's the place where you met, Mika. Don't you remember?"


	16. Unremembered Happiness

Hi, guys! I was going to write the beginning of the battle between Mika and Ky Luc today, but the chapter here is Mika's thoughts surrounding the events of the last couple of chapters. I was reminiscing. Happy birthday, Mika!

* * *

 _Unremembered Happiness_

 _Kyoto…Why would he be in Kyoto?_

Mika's thoughts flashed through his mind as he mindlessly stared at the plain scenery through the windows of the military jeep. It was odd. The humans inside the vehicle were subdued and quiet as stone, as if they knew that this was a rescue mission. The dark-brown haired one, with the soft and childish face and kind eyes, kept looking at the distant vampire and opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something. _I don't understand why Ferid wanted them to come along,_ the blond vampire thought to himself with an irritated glare aimed at Ferid. _It might have helped a little bit before, but now…this is my fight._

Mika was aware that his brother had noticed that something was different about him since they had departed from Nagoya. His green eyes attempted to look at Mika's unreadable face, but Mika could only focus on the blurring scenery passing by. _It doesn't make any sense._ Osaka was not far from Kyoto, but why would the Fifth Progenitor spend so much effort on getting Krul to Kyoto? It was like…

The realization caused Mika's spine to stiffen, and his lips instinctively opened to reveal his sharpened teeth. Rage poured through his veins, and it took a couple of heavily self-restrained moments before Mika was able to think beyond the red haze. _He's mocking me!_ His left hand curled into a painful fist. If his bones had been weaker, they would have spanned in half with the skin broken, blood oozing down onto his ligaments. _No…he knows this is the place…where I lost_ everything…Even now, despite his human emotions fading, Mika was still able to remember the haunted dead bodies of his family. Ferid hadn't even tried to feed on them; he just slashed their fragile, so _young_ bodies and let them bleed. _And for some reason, he still kept their bodies._ Mika and Yuu- _chan_ had been the oldest at twelve years old. Their lives, or what remained of their individual tragic childhood, had died with Yuu- _chan_ running away into the arms of vengeance and the Imperial Demon Army. Mika acknowledged now that he had been saved by Krul when she forcefully turned him into a half-vampire. _But still…I wanted to die than to become a vampire. I was just happy that my lone surviving family member had escaped._

 _But yet that place too…was where I bonded with Krul._ Mika didn't truly know the relationship between progenitors' and their "children." Well, Ferid had given him a hint of the relationship. _"Both Krul and I were considered children by the Second Progenitor, and then abandoned by him like innocent little lambs trailing after its master."_ The look Ferid gave him made Mika tremble in anger, because Ferid was always hiding something from him. _"Why do you think Krul and I became so strong, Mika?"_

If that relationship was the modus operandi, then his relationship with Krul was the opposite of the norm. True, Mika did not know how _long_ Krul and Ferid had followed their progenitor until they had been abandoned but…her _loyalty_ to him humbled his former statements he had said, that had caused Ferid to train him for three days and three nights in the first place.

 _"I love her."_

Love was considered the lowest and disgusting of human emotions. Vampires thought that all humans loved each other, spiraling uncontrollable emotions of saving people and prolonging death. _Isn't that what I – no,_ we're _doing though?_ The sunset shone through the window, the golden and purple highlights making Mika wanting to shut his eyes, but unable to. Now that he was a vampire, the sky was one of his companions that never failed to be by his side. It was too bad he never saw the sunset when he was human. _Krul saved me from death so many times. She didn't want the Hyakuya orphans to die, and was beyond pissed off when Ferid almost killed everyone. She lied to the higher vampires of who I was, even though she knew what she would suffer if they found out the truth. Even with that time with Ferid…her only focus was to protect me._

 _I didn't realize what she was doing before it was too late. Now she is…being tortured by being exposed to sunlight, for_ nine _days now. I want to save her. I want to save her because I am tired of not being able to do anything._

 _I am…tired of not being able to figure out who I am supposed to be._ Yuu- _chan_ had stated that he wanted his brother to be happy as a vampire. Back then, Mika had thought the dark-haired teen was a fool. There was no such thing as happiness as a vampire. But then, he remembered of the looks Krul gave him when he fed on her blood as the uneasiness and despair Mika had dissipated into something he wasn't certain of. Despite declaring him _hers, a dog for all eternity,_ the pink-haired queen had treated him with kindness.

 _He remembered the small shock of hearing her call his name, gently turning his head to her when he would not meet her eyes. A year had passed since he was turned into a vampire, and Mika was still frightened and hated the vampires around him. With her, though…the blond boy didn't feel anything related to negative emotion. Her throne room remained the same as the day he entered it with his arm reattached. Instead of smiling eerily at him, Krul's red eyes watched him as Mika's head remained close to the ground. The thrills of her black dress rustled as she suddenly crouched down by his side and gently held his chin in between her fingers._

 _Instead of fear, Mika could feel calm strumming against his skin. Her eyes didn't appear to have any malicious intent behind him, and his younger self idly wondered how old she was in human years. A part of him remembered that the last time they were this close, she had turned him into a vampire with a kiss._

" _Mika, why do humans celebrate birthdays?"_

To this day, the vampire teen did not know where the question came from. He didn't understand why Krul had asked him that question, knowing back then that vampires had a vague and fluid sense of time. If they could live forever, then what was the point of counting that a year, a decade, or a millennia had passed?

" _Happy birthday, Mika."_

 _Mika had been stunned when Krul had stopped listening to his vague answer about birthdays and the celebrations of them. Instead, a small glint in her eyes appeared. Her black dress seemed to cover her body more closely, drifting down to her elbows and knees. Her hair was pink, but it was more of a light pink, like the cherry blossoms associated with going back to school. Mika would be a third year junior high school student with Yuu-chan now if he hadn't been turned into a vampire. She was smaller than him at that age, but he knew that she would be able to kill him if she wanted to. Her bangs fell almost into her eyes, and a soft, almost peaceful look appeared on her face as she stated those words that he didn't think he would hear from her._

 _I wonder how she knew it was my birthday,_ Mika thought to himself. _And why she…cared, even though I valued her less than she valued me._

… _Did she love me even then?_

 _Yes,_ came the quiet answer.

Mika didn't know of his emotions then. He was so focused on his brother, on becoming a human again, that he didn't realize the extent of his feelings until now, almost ten days after Krul had been sent to torture: sun exposure torture, said to be the most painful torture of a vampire.

Despite convincing himself and everyone else around him that he was happy during the approximate two years he had lived at the Hyakuya Orphanage, Shindō Mikaela hated his existence. Every time a kind adult stated that Mika had a beautiful name, the child only smiled falsely and allowed his self-hatred to fester. Perhaps his low-self-esteem and hatred had originated from being abused and neglected by his parents. His mother had stated that he had an angel's name, but Mika was no farther from cyphering her meaning than he was nine years later. Mika hated everything about himself, especially his stupid name. And the small, shriveled and damaged heart that he had died inside when the children would always cry that they _"loved Mika-nii!"_ They always laughed with him when a joyful, and hollow laughter escaped from his lips.

 _No, you don't. You don't want to know the true me, please._

 _ _When I was with her…I didn't realize what happiness was. I thought I was simply, accepting my situation with her…but…__

 _I was already happy. All along, I was happy, when she was by my side._

 _Yuu-_ chan _is not the only happiness I have. And…I cannot say that I have been right in my manner to him. I thought I wanted to protect him, but…all I wanted was to keep him to myself, so that he wouldn't be taken from me again. I thought that my brother would be the only happiness I could need, but I was wrong. He is simply a part of what makes me happy…and I can't be happy with only him by my side._

 _Krul…I realize now that you allowed happiness to from in my heart. Yuu-_ chan _said to find happiness as a vampire, and before, I thought he was the most idiotic person in the universe. Maybe…with you by my side, I can understand what happiness is, and what it means to live as a vampire._


	17. By Your Side

I will be going on a vacation overseas for two weeks, so I don't think I will have any time to update this or any of my other stories. I hope this is able to hold you over for a couple of weeks before I come back! I am terrible at writing action scenes, so I just wrote descriptions of what each person did. I hope that satisfies everyone.

* * *

 _ _By Your Side__

 _"MIKA! MIKA. GET UP!"_

 _"MIKA!"_

 _How did it…come to this?_ Cold blood soaked through the pants that Mika wore, spreading the darkened color until it trickled onto the floor. If he closed his eyes and listened hard enough, the vampire could hear the sound of his blood dripping on the floor. _Drip. Drip…_ Pain that he had never felt before exploded inside his body. White hot-pain, almost searing with its intensity, had almost made Mika black out from the world of _pain_ he had been thrust into. He vaguely heard Yuu- _chan_ 's shouts as his mind and body failed to get up from the slowly pooling blood that was surrounding him. _Where…are my legs…?_ Mika wondered almost blearily, his red eyes almost shut from the burning pain stemming from his kneecaps.

The blood originated from that area. It continued to soak through what remained of his clothing, and Mika's eyes wandered to where his legs would have landed. He remembered the stunned look across his face as Ky Luc sent two blows to his legs when they had fought. The agony that raced through the blond vampire's lower extremities had almost cost him another limb, if he had not been quick enough to avoid Ky Luc's blow. The blow against his legs had been so damaging that the bones and tendons below his kneecap had exploded, leaving his body without two legs to stand on.

 _"Vampires, they don't traditionally fight with swords." Ferid smirked at the perplexed look on the former human's face. "It's only because of humans and their technology, and the monsters, that we fight with their weapons. But in fact, we only use…our strength when we fight against each other."_

 _I remember…_ Mika had thought with sudden clarity as a memory from four years ago surfaced. Him, still human but dying as he was surrounded by his family's dead bodies and vampires. He remembered of how quickly Krul became angry with Ferid for killing "her Seraphs," and the brief but intense fight that they had. They hadn't fought with swords either. Because vampires possessed such strength, they could easily overwhelm a human and kill them. However, Mika had yet to see or experience a battle between a vampire versus a vampire.

Mika could still see the protest in his brother's eyes as he told him that he would be fighting Ky Luc alone. Mika had no time to tell the dark-haired young man that a vampire had to fight alone with no help if they were to be recognized as an opponent. Ky Luc, the Fifth Progenitor, had not said a word when he found the blond vampire with humans behind him that he was going to fight him.

The vampire, who had been so lax before with the fight between him and Yuu- _chan_ , simply gave a dark chuckle as he stared at Mika.

"You truly _like_ the Queen, don't you?"

Mika had barely a second to guard his right arm from Ky Luc as the vampire was suddenly not ten feet away from him, but mere inches as he was pressing his left arm against Mika's right. The younger vampire knew that Ky Luc was trying to grab his neck and block his airway. It was only fast reflexes that saved the blond teen from asphyxiation. Mika was able to block Ky Luc's blow for only a moment longer when he used his core strength to move Ky Luc away from him. Only five feet away from the younger vampire, Ky Luc landed on the ground with no visible signs that there had been any effort on his part.

Trading blows and kicks that were dodged and never hit, Mika realized that Ky Luc was playing with him. There was a hint of a smile on the vampire's face, and the look of amusement made Mika's head red with rage. His speed increased with the rage flowing through him at the thought of the Fifth Progenitor mocking him, and Mika's hand brushed against Ky Luc's as the vampire quickly landed on the opposite end.

 _"What do you feel for Krul Tepes?"_

That was the question he had been asked. Mika was aware of the eyes belonging to Yuu- _chan_ and the others following him as he remained silent about the answer. He never told the entire group of why he felt such a compulsion to save Krul, and defeat an ancient adversary that had thousands of years of experience fighting. Mika had tried to ignore the small taunts that Ky Luc had given him, ignoring the childish language that he used when talking about his love for Krul.

And…how of he described of how lonely Krul was waiting for him.

 _"She's just a lonely little crisp waiting for her knight in shining armor, Mika-chan. I wonder, how long she will last in the flames…before you join her in paradise."_

 _"Does her blood taste good, Mika-chan. That must be why you want her back so badly! How kinky… Heh heh…"_

 _"I heard a vampire can only last ten days against the exposure of the sun's full rays. It's a good thing little Krul isn't in Hawaii, huh? I wonder though, if she's already dead? The vampire body can only take so much…"_

 _"How can you survive Mika-chan. No rings or anything to protect you from the sun! Is Krul keeping you warm? How disgusting!"_

Fifteen minutes had passed. Fifteen minutes that Mika could have spent trying to find Krul and breaking her off from the goddamned cross, but instead he had been fighting Ky Luc with no end in sight. The young vampire cursed his pale skin. It was true of what Ky Luc had taunted him. Mika had no protection from the sun's rays. If he had been given the rings, then he would have been able to fight this maddening vampire for longer. But the hot, hateful sun was making its toll on Mika's body, a scream forcing down his throat as the sun's rays continued to beam down on him. The cloak he wore made no difference. It was still making his eyes lose focus, and his body weak. Sweat was pouring down his forehead, and his breath was starting to rasp.

 _Krul…how can you take this?_ Mika gritted his teeth from a hot wave that almost sent his body to the ground. _I don't understand how you can still be alive from all this sun._

 _You truly are strong….stronger than anything than I know._ He swallowed, thinking of all the times he had dismissed her strength, taken it for granted. _I swear to you…that I will get you back no matter what it takes!_

 _…No matter what it takes…_

Mika coughed up blood as he continued to lie on the ground. His body now screamed if he moved. A couple of locks in his hair were coated in blood. His body felt as if he had been crushed by the Japanese Imperial Demon Army's jeeps. _Krul…_ Her face looking at his younger self as he continued to cry from feeding on her. He didn't know it then, but his arms would always be gentle with her own as he fed from her wrist or arm and half-bowed toward her. He thought about the last time he saw the pink-haired vampire. Mika could always feel her hands gently or squeezing him, comforting him, when she embraced him. His entire body trembled as he fought to regain movement.

 _You always…protected the ungrateful me. Me, always wanting something that was beyond my reach. And even when I was able to grasp it, I wasn't able to understand why I was unhappy._

 _I couldn't protect you…I didn't know how much you loved me, and of how I cared for you…not trusting you because you were a vampire._

Mika bit back a scream as Ky Luc's hands clawed into his back. Torn, red shreds were now what was left of his skin. Blood continued to flow as the young vampire moved his upper-body to drag itself to the legs that had been torn off from him. A harsh gasp tore from his throat as skin continued to be dragged, sullenly off his bones from the stumps that used to be his legs. Mika tried to ignore the nausea building in his throat, and the dull overwhelming agony as his body howled that it been subject to. Ky Luc was taunting him. The golden-haired vampire knew that the vampire was simply waiting for him to re-attach his legs to his body before killing him.

But he would die before the attempt, Mika vowed.

 _You protected me since the day we met, eight years ago. My body is reaching its limit. I don't have the thousand year experience fighting, hiding, and living as you have had, Krul. If I do manage to defeat this monster, it is only due to luck. I'm not arrogant enough to believe otherwise. But you…_

Hyakuya Mikaela reached Ky Luc as the vampire was about to aim his hand toward Mika's head. His legs were still not attached. They were slowly healing. His left hand, coated in his own dried blood, reached for Ky Luc and pushed further to the older vampire's chest.

His hand cracked and demolished the bones that surrounded the heart. Ribs broke, and soon Mika's entire hand was streaming with blood. Ky Luc was still. He almost didn't have enough time to react. Abruptly, Ky Luc attempted to bite off Mika's hand that was inside his chest, but the younger vampire's hand came away before the teeth could begin to pierce Mika's hand.

 _Boom!_ Lifting Ky Luc's heart in his hands, Mika pulled the now-gasping vampire with his left hand. Mika crushed his body to the walls that the vampire had been landing on during their battle, leaving a small crater that held both of them inside. Mika's eyes narrowed at the dying vampire, noting the too-pale color on his face, and the distance in his eyes.

 _"There is only one certain way to kill a vampire, Mika. It is too risky and impossible for humans, even with their Cursed Gear, because of a vampire's strength and speed. Take out their heart from their chest, and separate the organ from their body. It will fade away to dust."_

"Where is Krul, you bloody bloodsucker?!"

 _I will always remain by your side, this time protecting you._


	18. Dying Hearts

_Dying Hearts_

"Where is Krul?"

Mika knew that his composure was cracking. Every moment Ky Luke remained motionless in his arms, was another moment that Krul had to endure her torture. The hand holding the vampire's heart was coated with blood. The heart continued to weep, as did the small hole that had contained the dead organ until now. It was beginning to wither in his hands, and the teen vampire with fury continuing to run through his veins at the older vampire's silence, used his strength to slam the dying vampire against the wall.

The teen didn't pay attention to the dust circling the two, or the stray rocks crumbling down on the ground. The strangled cry of Ky Luke as pain entered his spine and open chest from the blunt force of the wall only caused Mika to put more pressure on the neck that he now held. If he would have allowed it, bloodlust and madness would have gripped his sanity, forcing him to decapitate the enemy before him and ripping his limbs off one by one. However, Mika needed Ky Luke alive to tell him where he had left Krul. It was the exact same reason why he had trained with Ferid, who he hated and despised for not only killing his family, but for existing. _Where are you, Krul?_ Waves of anxiety palpated in Mika's mind as each second passed when he was no closer to finding the vampire he loved. Each breathe he took was another moment that Krul was in those flames, without any protection from the sun's rays and in such great agony Mika shuddered at the thought of enduring the punishment. A slight nausea filled the vampire's stomach as he realized that Krul was probably too week to scream anymore.

 _I will find you….whatever it takes, I will find you!_

"Where…the majesty sat…" Luke rasped as his blood-red teeth smiled down at Mika, shocking the younger vampire with the sudden peace that entered his eyes. Mika could feel every rib of the vampire's ribcage vainly attempting to continue function as the blood slowly stopped leaking from his wounds. "The Queen's…lucky…" he whispered hoarsely as the light faded from his eyes.

 _"Where…the majesty sat…"_ Mika thought, frantically searching for the meaning behind the dead vampire's message. The dead body of the vampire was still against his arm, as opposed to the other vampire deaths that Mika had seen during the Nagoya battles. He paid no attention to how heavy it was, only closing his eyes in frustrated concentration as he tried to understand the coded words. _Sat… Oh!_

The body and heart that had been in his hands fell from his grasp as Mika started to run. He knew now where Krul was. It was such a mockery to her positon and power that if he could have, the blond vampire would have revived Ky Luke to kill him again, this time dismembering his head. The rage was not unusual. Mika had felt rage many times, towards the humans' experimentations and the Seraph of the End, the vampires' cruelty, against Ichinose Guren and the Imperial Japanese Demon Army, and Ferid for his coy attempts at teasing (and threatening Yuu- _chan_ ). But his rage had never effected his abilities before. The fire of the emotion caused his speed to increase tenfold, leaving his brother and the other humans behind. The underground city of blurred against his eyes, and Mika felt a tear in his boots as his speed increased even more.

"Krul!" He called her name despite her not being able to answer him. The sound echoed against the walls, making him flashback to the multiple times he had said her name in the time they had together. "Krul!" _I know where she is…_

In the center of her throne room, with the cross burning, was Krul. Mika's feet skidded to a stop, and his normal grace as a vampire almost gave away as he tripped over his feet to reach his Queen.

The scenery was as if they had never left. The pink and yellow theme across the room was still there, including the curtains that blocked out the sun. The steps hadn't been burned, or destroyed when Ky Luke had placed Krul in her throne room. Mika flinched as an onslaught of flashes embedded in his mind. He remembered when Krul had first given him the taste of her blood, the liquid almost as pure as honey to his lips. He remembered when he suddenly felt her hands threading through his hair, a wan smile across her face as he feed from her at age thirteen. And Mika remembered his insecurities, demanding her to tell him about her role in the Seraph of the End, and saying that he wasn't certain if he could trust her anymore.

The agony was enough that Mika almost withdrew his hands from burning flames. His hands were already peeling in painful scrapes from the hot-redness. Determination to free Krul from her confinement made him not care – about the pain, or the smell that engulfed his nostrils.

Mika felt his hands surround her body. He could smell her slightly burning flesh, and pulled.

The cross clattered to the ground.

Flakes of flesh were on Krul's skin. She was naked, and Mika almost sobbed at the scrapes of burned flesh that were peeling off of her body. Every skin cell had been damaged. There was only a hint of her hair, a slight wisp of light pink along her scalp. Her eyebrows had been burned away. Mika cradled Krul gently in his arms. She was so small that Mika marveled at the fact that she had commanded armies of their own kind. His throat was closing, and an unknown emotion was crawling through his limbs. _Krul…_ He removed his uniform and covered her body with the material. Underneath his uniform had been a dark mesh shirt, and his skin began to slightly inflame from the sudden exposure to the sun.

Mika continued to hold Krul in his arms, the female vampire almost hidden away by the uniform protecting her skin. The teen bit his lip, looking at her face peeking through, a small smile against his lips.

And then, he cried.


	19. At What Time?

_I am very sorry about the long delay. I was at a conference for a week, and then became so sick I couldn't write. For now, this is the latest chapter of the series! I hope I haven't lost you all! Until next time, Mononoke-hime x suaki kurora_

* * *

 _At What Time?_

Mika could feel every one of Krul's ribs. They dug into his skin. Her body was practically attached to his own, so close that the vampire could only tell that Krul continued to live because he felt her faint breath against his chest. He cradled her head gently against his palm, the left side of his body protecting her from the inside elements of the room that they used to meet for the past four years. Mika continued to weep as he held Krul in his arms. Scorn didn't lace his heart as tears continued to leak from his closed red eyes. How many moths had he dreamed of this moment? How many hours, seconds had he agonized over where the pink-haired vampire was, and the feeling of his undead heart shattering and dying in his useless chest at the memories of their goodbyes? Him, always fleeing away from danger that Krul had found Krul. Mika remembered of how the memories of gentle vampire who saved his life seemed to calm him, somewhat, stalling the burning rage and desire to run away and save Krul despite knowing he would die. It was odd. Mika had, up until the agonizing exile from Nagoya more than three months ago, not realized how much Krul had initiated physical affection. It was always she who touched him, taking him into an embrace, as if trying to squeeze out the sorrow and apathy that haunted him since the day he became a vampire. The tickling of her breath as her forehead leaned against his.

 _I'm here now, Krul._ Mika thought as he squeezed her body gently against his own. _I was a fool. How much pain have you endured as I tried to figure out my feelings?_ Mika was worried. Krul's light pink hair was peach fuzz against his palm, and severe burns scarred across her body. How long had it been since she had had blood? Given, Krul hadn't been denied blood as long as he himself had denied blood to himself…but, there was a risk. Her brittle breath echoed against his chest. It had been too long finding her, because against Mika's chest was fear. The former information that Ferid had told him about Krul and demons were deaf to the teenage vampire's ears.

 _From now on…I'll protect you, Krul._ Mika looked down with somber eyes at the female vampire unconscious against his chest. _You've protected me for so long…even as I was ungrateful and doubted you. But now, I will protect_ you _…from the pain that you yourself selflessly shielded me from._

 _The urge to protect is still there not only with my brother but…with you._

"I need to take Krul somewhere safe….but there's no such thing. God damn it!" Mika hissed.

"Actually, vampire, there is a place in Tokyo that would be able to do nicely."

Mika was too stunned to feel whip-lash as he stared at Guren Ichinose. Yuu- _chan_ looked the most morose, staring at the limp Krul in Mika's arms.

"What are you –?"

"I'm surprised you didn't hear of it. No one except humans know of its existence. It's a place that researches vampire's anatomy and physiology." Guren didn't seem to care that Mika was now looking at him with shock and steadily boiling rage at his revelation. In fact, a smile even grow on the purple-eyed human's face. "Relax, I won't send your lover to a facility that would kill her."

It took only a second for Mika to comprehend what the human was saying. A rare blush burned across his cheeks. "She's not my lover!" Mika growled.

Guren didn't seem to care. "Fine, girlfriend then." He turned and walked to the exit. "Well, are you coming? Or did you go on a murdering spree just for nothing?"

It would have appalled Mika four months ago if I knew that he would be blindly following Ichinose Guren's words as if he was a _human_. But the current Mika knew that if he didn't get Krul to this vampire _facility_ soon, she would die. Krul was still in his arms as Hyakuya Mikaela – quite bluntly – followed Ichinose Guren and his band of humans based on nothing but the word of his previously most hated enemy.


	20. The Corpse Doctor

A new arc starts!

* * *

 _ _The Corpse Doctor__

"Come over to my side now." The human with narrow rimmed glasses spoke without any hesitation or terror. Instead, authority and steel broke through, almost making the golden-haired vampire named Hyakuya Mikaela stop where he was and stare. When they had at last arrived in Tokyo, Guren had said that the person who could help Krul was very different than any human than any of them had met before. In his impatience and irritation scratching against his skin, Mika had barely paid to attention to the thinly veiled warning the adult human had given his subordinates and the vampires. Krul was finally sleeping in his arms – the tension that had stretched across her face during the ungodly car ride was gone. Mika knew that vampires could sleep if they chose to, but seeing Krul in such a state, unconscious in his arms and curled around his cape coiled the exacerbating worry and fear that he had.

As such, emotions in his mouth and tension coiling in his stomach, Mika paid no heed except to the door that had been locked shut. The building they had been standing in front of reminded him of hollow echoes of the barren wards from the Seraph of the End projects. The outside husk was very dirty, with visible holes and craters where the broken pieces of the former building once lay, now taken by humans that were likely dead. Either killed by vampires or dying due to the new world they all had been thrusted into since that Christmas 2012, this specific area of Tokyo was very dangerous. Even Krul, unconcerned with the ineptitude of his abilities once he began taking missions, had stated that the central area of Tokyo was off-limits for a newborn vampire such as himself.

Mika used his left arm to crush the lock on the door, and the audible crunch was the only sign he needed before he rushed into the vacant building. Darkness immediately invaded his eyes, although in his case, the darkness was good. It was far better than the light. Krul was becoming heavy in his arms, although Mika only paid attention to the all-consuming silence of the place. The only sound coming from this area was of Krul's puffs of breath against his neck, and Mika searched. There was an abandoned stairway with broken splinters. Mika could clearly see the dark-brown stains of blood and newer, thicker stains of brighter red against the stairway. The scenery reminded him of the abandoned store that he had almost sucked the blood of his own brother in, almost driven insane with the need for human blood. _Krul had to know that I wasn't able to drink her own blood anymore. I still don't understand why she did it._ But Krul must have known that Mika was waiting until he could become a human again. Maybe that was why… And now the golden-haired vampire was again searching desperately for anything, a cure to help the vampire lying in his arms who had been tortured with sunlight exposure.

"ICHINOSE GUREN!" Mika roared. His shout shook the building slightly, but in his growing anger and rage at being played for a fool as the seconds passed and _no one_ came broke the silence. "IF YOU _PLAYED_ ME –"

 _If she dies, I will make certain that you wish I had drunk you dry!_

The florescent lights that the teen had thought had been broken flickered until the light completely filled the room. Mika almost gasped as sharp needles of agony invaded in eyes. He resisted the urge to close his eyes shut, for he didn't know what kind of enemy was there. He didn't recognize the voice that suddenly echoed in the barren space.

"Come by my side." It was a low voice, slightly rasping as if the vocal cords hadn't been used in one hundred years. "Or the female vampire you are carrying in your arms will die."

Mika only hesitated for a moment. He knew where the voice was coming from, on the second floor. He didn't know how the individual knew that he was there, or of how they knew he was carrying a dying vampire in his arms. But if it meant that Krul could be saved, then Mika would step into danger.

Mika gently adjusted the pink-haired vampire so that her face as lying against his chest. A couple of her locks were covering her eyes, and Mika had a sudden urge to part them. He remembered the promise he had made to her, vowing to protect her as she had for an ungrateful brat. _Please, whoever you are…heal her._

There was only a slightly glowing light in the room as Mika ran up the final step. For a moment, he was stunned by the cleanliness of the room. Even with the faint light, Mika could see the room – or lab, he judged, by the numerous science equipment and microscope on the one of the tables, attached to a sink – was pristine white, with not a speck of dust or blood on the surface. As opposed to the stairs, Mika could see that this room had been used.

Almost at once, Mika saw the shadow. It was hidden against the darkness, and gradually a shape began to form. A female human with short dark hair and narrow-rimmed glasses, wearing a pristine white lab coat that was as pure white as the walls spoke not directly to him, but to Krul in his arms.

"Place her against the small bed that is on the right side of the wall. The small dosage of light should help with the healing process."

"Who are you?" Mika yelled as the unnamed female and said-to-be savior walked slowly up to him. "Why are you here, and why…are you helping us? We're vampires, the enemy of humanity and humans!"

"And who said those lines?" The human countered, her expression now focused on him. "The humans? Who by DNA say they are my own? Think by your own terms, and you might find an answer." For a mere moment, her unreadable expression faltered and was replaced by one of sympathy. "The bed is big enough for two, so you may do as you like."

"T-that's not what –!" Mika half-yelled, his mind scrambling to explain…something to the human.

The human in the lab coat made no move to answer him, and cursing under his breath, Mika held Krul even more tightly in his arms until he saw the kind of bed the insane human had been talking about. There were two bulbs emaciating light – it was warm enough to provide warmth, but nothing compared to the hot sun. The blankets provided were not thick, or made for living. _Actually, I read in one of Ferid's books that these sheets are often used in sheets far away in the world – the Middle East, or India, where vampires don't live because of the oppressive heat._ The blankets were made out of fine silk and light on the skin. Mika gently lowered Krul onto the bed and uncovered the blankets before her damaged and flaking skin were eased from the pain as the blanket was lowered onto her skin. Still, Mika did not rest easy. His eyes didn't leave her body as she breathed in and out, the artificial light on her face.

At the corner of his eye, Mika could see the human move around in the lab. He observed her more carefully, noting that her nails were crusted with blood and there was something about the way she moved that unnerved him. When Guren and Yuu-chan and his friends came inside of the lab, Mika was grateful that she managed to tell the gaping humans to be quiet for her patient. Yuu-chan waved at him, and seemed to want him to talk to him and the others, but Mika was too inside his head to make a comment. _I thought all doctors had died. The closest thing to medicine to the Apocalypse is first-aid and crude surgery. No one now has any time for an advanced study like a medical degree, since all the adults died and no one was left to teach about medicine. The vampires' new food and the constant danger weren't much help either. It looks like the cabinets may be filled with medical equipment. How could she even gain access to any of this…? She looks young, maybe as young as Guren, but…_

"Nothing passes you, does it?" Guren stated shortly as he came up behind Mika. Being used to vampires and humans sneaking behind him, Mika didn't blink.

"Who is she?" Mika asked Guren. "Why is a human, in the most dangerous section of Tokyo, living here and helping the Queen of Japan?"

"Well," Guren said slowly, "she is a former high school student that wanted to be a doctor. But no one needed doctors after the Apocalypse, so she became…kind of a pathologist and medical examiner. On vampires." Guren looked at Mika to see how he would react, but the vampire was so shocked he didn't have any emotion.

"Her name is Yuukuchi Naori, and she is known throughout the vampire realm as _Mukuro Isha_."

"Or, the Corpse Doctor."


	21. Re: Yuu-chan and Mika

I am very sorry for the very late update. I had a bad relapse early August, so I could not do anything without bursting into tears. Hopefully I will be back into two weeks. Thank you for your patience.

* * *

 _ _Re: Yuu-chan and Mika__

There was raging noise inside Mika's ears as he attempted to not pay attention to the screams.

As if he was twelve years old again, Mika closed his eyes and willed Yuu- _chan_ to be quiet.

But alas, his brother was the loudest voice. It was odd and hypocritical, the blond-haired vampire decided. A small pebble of disgust roiled in his stomach at the thought of this _Corpse Doctor_ experimenting on vampires that weren't even dead. And yet…who else would Guren turn to? By what means could anyone understand how to heal Krul? His red eye looked down at the unconscious queen, a silk blanket wrapped around her wounds like a cocoon. She didn't seem to realize that Yuu- _chan_ and his friends were shouting into their sensitive vampire ears. _But perhaps she can't hear yet,_ Mika thought as he resisted the impulse to caress one of the few pink locks on Krul's scalp. _The fire could have damaged her eardrums, and the inner ear._

"H-how could you…experiment on vampires, _Sense_ i?! I mean…!"

"Oh come on, Yoichi! They're vampires, not humans! But still…"

"I don't understand why you're so surprised, Yuu- _san_. How do you think the Imperial Demon Army came as far as it has?"

"Hey!" Suddenly, Mika's head revolved to see the green eyes of his brother shine as if possessed by the sun. "Corpse Doctor! Does that mean you know how to turn Mika back into a human?" As if stabbed by Cursed Gear in the stomach, Mika recoiled and closed his eyes in pain. It was as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs. Hearing Yuu- _chan_ 's words made him think back to how desperate he was to become human again. How driven to almost insanity he was to not become a demon blood-sucker. If this was an alternate universe perhaps, then his red eyes would become blue again in a heartbeat. If his brother knew that his heart didn't work anymore, then maybe he would listen.

Mika knew that he was still thinking about reviving Akane- _chan_ and their family. But the vampire could feel Chiuu's stare as if her eyes were boring into his head. He remembered her words.

And he remembered his own.

His vow.

"No, Yuu- _chan_." Mika's voice was so subdued he wasn't even aware that the humans were looking at him until he heard the dark-haired human gasp.

"W-what do you _mean_ , Mika? You've always wanted to be human again! And I –!"

"Yuu- _chan_." Mika's voice was somber, and he looked at the stunned eyes of his family as the red bored into green. "I _wanted_ to be human. But…I was a fool. We were all fools, Yuu- _chan_. How would I turn back into a human, Yuu- _chan_? It's not as simple as a blood test or sampling DNA."

"Um…" Yuu- _chan_ scratched his head and stuck out his tongue in bashfulness. "What is DNA again?"

Mika sighed and rolled his eyes. _Yuu-_ chan _has never been the studious sort._

"Would you have used Seraph of the End to turn me back into a human?"

The widening of his brother's eyes and the catch in his breath told Mika the answer even before Yuu- _chan_ began to stutter out an answer.

"That's what Krul wanted too," Mika said quietly, almost mournfully as he thought about the vampire that had done so much for him with nothing in return. Yuu- _chan_ and the other humans were struck silent, almost as if they didn't believe that a vampire would care for a former human.

"You wanted to bring Akane- _chan_ and everyone else back," Mika continued. He was aware of Narumi glaring at him with burning grief in his gaze. "But Yuu- _chan_ , we cannot undue anything."

"But Mika…" whispered the sixteen year old human boy who had fought to find his brother and bring him back. "You said that you would…rather die than be a vampire." Anger and confusion marred Yuu- _chan'_ s broken expression. "Even when I told you to find happiness and live…! You didn't…! So why…?"

Mika looked at the broken expression Yuu- _chan_ had on his face. It occurred to him that his brother had been hoping to turn Mika into a human for his own sake as well. They were the only family that had survived that terrible day. The twelve year old hothead who hated vampires had slowly become something more, and Mika sadly smiled at Yuu- _chan_ , whose eyes were struggling to hide the emotion swimming in his eyes.

"If a vampire hangs onto something, _anything_ that makes them whole, then they don't have their hearts turn into despair and live in a joyless world. Something that makes them happy and alive…I think that is what you were trying to tell me, Yuu- _chan_." Mika's face hurt.

His mouth smiled wide, and Mika felt as if a large wound had been lifted from his chest. It felt as if he was looking at the world for real this time.

"You are my family, Yuu- _chan_. I was jealous of the relationship you had with the others…and I was afraid you would forget about me."

"Mika…"

"I didn't quite understand what you told me the day I turned into a vampire…but then, I thought about what Krul truly meant to me…and the sacrifices she made for me, and what we all thought would be bringing me happiness."

"I am not a human." The former human that was willing to risk everything to turn the time back stood and smiled peacefully, for the first time, at his brother and his comrades.

 _「僕は吸血鬼だ。」_

 _I am a vampire._

Before he could even say anything else, Mika saw Yuu- _chan_ running to him. Tears were half falling into the air, and his mouth was shaped into an "O" shape, happiness and sadness mixed within.

Mika caught his brother as they fell and collapsed onto the floor. Unlike that other time, Mika was the one holding Yuu- _chan_ as the other brother cried into his shoulder. Unlike that day, Mika was not writing in self-loathing, blaming his brother for turning him into a monster, and crying in despair.

Mika could feel Yuu- _chan_ 's watery smile against his neck.

「ただいま、優ちゃん。」

"I'm home, Yuu- _chan_."

* * *

" _Where do you think vampires come from, Hyakuya Mikaela?"_

 _Mika reminisced about the conversation the Corpse Doctor had with him. Actually, it was more like a one-sided conversation with the doctor speaking her thoughts out loud. Now he was across Krul's bed, watching her sleep. Even though the doctor said she would heal, he hadn't seen any change. Anxiety wore down the intestines in his stomach, and Mika resisted the impulse to sleep next to the pink-haired vampire._

" _There is a legend that says an angel named Mikaela came down from the heavens. Some say he was cursed and brought his curse onto others. Scholars also believe that vampires exist due to a punishment brought by God."_

 _Mika was silent. The human – crazy or not – laughed._

" _I don't think any of those theories are correct. I do believe there was a person named Mikaela though… But do know what I think? Evolution. Something so drastic, so terrible must have happened a millennia ago to create the first vampire. Maybe there was a famine, or a drought, that caused a survivor to live only on blood. I don't know if the First Progenitor was the true first vampire. I think there was someone else, named Mikaela._

" _Why do you think your parents named you after an angel…was it hope for your future, or did they know what you would become? Isn't it odd that vampires were also known as Mikaelas, even now, eons passed the origin of vampires?"_

" _What do you think? One named after an angel?'_


	22. My Brother, My Love

_My Brother, My Love_

* * *

 _ _Ashura…__

There was no light in the place she awoke to. Krul tried to take a breath, but all the vampire was able to do was continue existing, in the blackness she had found herself in. The sound of her brother's name caused a rod of steel to breach her heart. She didn't cry. She hadn't cried for him since that day he was taken from her, one thousand years ago.

One thousand years of agony and searching and despair that she would never wish on anyone else, including the most despicable humans. Krul softly graced the tufts of her down hair with her fingers. The black stumps they had been when undergoing sunlight exposure torture had resembled a human's. They were not fully healed, with cracks and strips of flesh falling off every so often.

But she was alive. She was alive, and she could resume her search – _Mika._ The pools of Krul's red eyes widened, and her mouth unconsciously mouthed his name. Almost at once, the female vampire thought about the last meeting that they had. Mika had been with the humans as she and Ferid were read their punishments for researching into Seraph of the End. A sharp stinging sensation stung her palms as Krul dug her nails into her skin. Her pink hair had almost been burned completely, and her skin was peeling. Krul knew that she should have been dead. There was a reason why vampires almost never took off the rings that protected them from the harshest of UV rays. Eventually, if exposed to the naked sunlight for ten days, the vampire's body would turn into ash.

Only Mika would defy the rules and try to rescue her. Perhaps his brother Yuu- _chan_ had a hand in that as well. There was no one else that cared for her, no one that would risk death or more to save a vampire from extinction. Krul had no idea where she was now, but she presumed that her body was taken care of. But… Against her heart that hadn't beat in over one thousand years, Krul questioned why Mika would do so much for her against the risk of his existence.

A small and sad smile failed to reach her lips. _I am a means to an end. Owari no Seraph…the material, the wish that humans and vampires wish to change._

 _Time._

 _I…when I was a very small girl…all I wanted was my parents to be alive again. After the fire…after the vampires attacked that mid-day and the blood spilled, and the fires burned, leaving only ash behind…I could only sob in my brother's arms. In the early eleventh centuries, such attacks and pillages from vampires were common due to the sparse nature of villages surrounding the nobles and kings. And…the ones who suffered the most were not the humans that were sucked dry by the vampires, or children screaming, choking on their own blood as their parents were murdered and sometimes hacked before their own eyes. No…Ferid and I are alike, as much as I despise the bastard._

 _I can still feel the hairs on my neck stand up. The remnants of my tie that held back my hair ripped and falling onto the ground as blood gathered beneath my knees. The scream on my throat as a monster – a vampire, picked me up and tore my brother from my arms._

 _The First Progenitor was the one who turned Ashura and I into vampires. I still didn't know what it was that made him choose us, or why he called us his children. I…remember when I turn Mika into a vampire. A long time ago, my mother said that kisses were meant to be shared to the closest person that you had. I knew, as the First Progenitor did, that the golden haired child did not want to become a monster, the same creature that killed his family before his eyes. That was why, when the First Progenitor laughed and laughed as I screamed and cried…I could see myself in this lost child who had tears as my blood was swallowed in his throat._

 _Mika…_

It was never wise to break the rules that bound vampires. Emotionless creatures, the only need for blood and interesting pastimes…boredom. That was the existence of vampires. Only, there were cases of vampires with emotions. Who were able to cling to their humanity, able to disgustingly love still despite being undead. And yet, against the nature of her very being, Krul became attached to a human. Even as he was still a child, the pink-haired Queen of Japan could not help but to feel again at the presence in the child.

 _I still remember when I first saw you. December 23, 2012. I was under orders to kill all members of the Hyakuya Sect – of the One Hundred Nights Sect that were during experiments on Seraph of the End. I remember you. Even then, you took comfort in the children and bore no energy for yourself. The smiles you gave and the words you said were true, but you were an empty shell, Mika. With golden hair and a pale complexion, and the most pure blue eyes, you did look similar to your namesake. However, that wasn't what attached me to you at first. As the other children were playing outside in the snow, shrieking and tumbling with joy, your eight-year old self saw me. I don't know what your impression was when you saw me for the first time._

 _The feelings that had been locked inside of me for over a millennia came free…as if I was an inch closer in finding my brother, to finding what humans call peace. Serenity._

 _I didn't want any of you to die, Mika. But somehow I defied the orders, and was able to find a place far away from that horrific orphanage._

It was almost as if Krul could see Mika before her eyes. An eight-year old Mika flashed before her eyes, becoming slightly older at twelve. _You did become quite handsome as you became older, Mika._ Krul knew that she herself was to blame for the agony and torture Mika was facing now. It was due to her that he became a vampire, a monster that suck only blood. Separated from his only surviving family member. The feelings of self-loathing, hatred, and despair were well-known to Krul. Seeing Mika deny himself blood in the hope of becoming human being reminded the pink-haired vampire of her younger self, when she was separated from Ashura. The only consolation she had was of loathing and biting comments, and later mockery from him, who eventually forced her to feed for the first time in order to not become a demon.

Being sucked for the blood from their skin was akin to having a knife wound in the abdomen. It hurt like no other pain. Against the excruciating pain, Krul had to keep Mika alive. For his happiness….and hers. Krul had acknowledged that it was very uncommon for a vampire to fall in love with a human. Even more uncommon for a sire to fall in love with the human they turned. Although she called him his mother, Krul's feelings for Mika were deep enough that she would defy her happiness for his.

For allowing him to become human as he desired, and to not stay by his side as she wanted to.

 _I love you, Mika._

 _To whatever life holds before us, as long as I exist, I will always love you._

Cruel tears poured down her face and onto the material of her dress. _"The mortal sin of carnal want and desires do not exist in the vampire race. Those desires are upheld by the livestock we hold dear. Any of those who possess such symptoms must be eradicated on spot."_

 _I don't know…if I can let go._

 _A weakness that I have, from my brother, and yet again another symptom of human weakness that I have. I want more than to be by your side, Mika, to protect you and your happiness. To touch your hand even…like that time when I laid my forehead against yours…and so much more that I have to say and want to say to you._

 _You want to become human and live by your brother's side. I understand more than anyone else. Before, I thought that only Ashura's existence would complete me…but you complete me as well, Mikaela._

 _Emptiness only remains for me, again…if this experiment ends._

 _Mika…_ _moja láska…watashi no koi…my love,_ _I want to stay beside your warmth forever._


	23. Finding You

_Finding You_

Krul opened her eyes.

There was no excruciating pain, as she expected when she finally awoke. Her crimson red eyes simply stared above. The room was pure white with no remarkable other features. Krul's wounded body could not move. She was aware of one segment though.

Mika was sleeping. In a hard chair used in hospitals before the Apocalypse, with his feet close together as if he was under her direct orders again. It was not uncommon for vampires to sleep out of boredom from living century to century with nothing to live for. However, if a vampire was physically exhausted enough, or emotionally drained, then sleep was the first option to regain strength.

 _Humph…I guess he does care about me._ Although Krul was aware that Mika abhorred vampires and himself, it came as a surprise to her that such a self-hating creature had feelings towards her. Warmth that did not exist in her heart since exposed to sunlight torture and taken all the way to Kyoto enveloped her. _Mika…_

The golden-haired vampire looked peaceful as he slept. The hard eyes of distrust and agony were closed, and in their place, an image of a…angel remained. The images of Hyakuya Mikaela, when she first saw him as an eight year old human child, to the empty half-vampire that he had been were locked in Krul's mind.

To her knowing eyes that had seen so much human emotion and despair, the sleeping Mika looked happy. The picture of suffering that she had seen since the pink-haired vampire had first seen him as a child was no longer there.

私は貴方の幸福を守りたい。そのために... She didn't know why Mika looked happy at this moment. But this was how she wanted to see him. Krul wanted to protect Mika's happiness, to see him smile and laugh, with no care in the world. And in order for that to happen, Krul needed Seraph of the End.

To see her brother again, to make certain that they were never apart. One thousand years of solitude was too much for one person. Krul could not make Mika and Yuu- _chan_ go through the same agony again. _Ashura…I miss you. I have missed you for over one thousand years._

But seeing Mika like this drew all thoughts away. She had admitted to herself that she loved Mika. The abyss of humanity, _emotions,_ that vampires craved were in her veins. _I want to see him smile always…I want to love him, even when it means he is human again._

She called his name. A prayer, or a whisper of hope on her lips as she called him.

Krul Tepes saw the blue eyes of the human Mika, in her mind as the man she loved opened his eyes.

"Krul…?"

Krul smiled so wide that her cheeks hurt, and both of her eyes closed.

"Mika."

* * *

To all dedicated readers, thank you so very much for your support and everything. After a review from the "last" chapter, I decided to finish what I had planned. I don't know when I will update again, but I will update again!


	24. The End of 1,000 Years of Solitude

This is the last chapter. Thank you all so much for your support!

* * *

"Mika."

Never before had Mika had fallen asleep as a vampire. He of course knew that vampires could fall asleep, but it had escaped him that vampires, so similar to humans, were vulnerable to losing consciousness due to emotional turmoil. He didn't know when Krul would wake, or how she would be when she woke up. It was similar to the gaping hole and aching heart, wondering what Yuu- _chan w_ as doing now. However, it felt as if years would pass, ever so slowly and painfully, as Mika watched Krul's burned body remain motionless under the sheets that were gentle to her skin. And so, almost driven to the depths of agony with worry, Mika slept.

The sound of his name caused him to wake. It couldn't…could it? He had heard his name called by that voice so many times. Remembering of the times when his name was almost caressed, like a soothing balm to his wounded heart that refused to beat since the blood stopped functioning. In anger too, her eyes almost darkened to black by the way Mika refused to obey orders or delayed his feeding, to remain alive. Mika didn't understand, and hated at first, of how Krul called him by his childhood nickname. His parents had never called him that. It was always Mikaela before getting a blow to the head or his ribs broken; always Mikaela before his mother told him to get out of the van if he wanted to be a good boy before dying forever…before he had a chance to make them happy. It was the children at the orphanage that fashioned the name. Some of them were so young his name was too complicated to pronounce.

It came to a seven year old Mika one day, as Akane and the other members of his _family_ slept, that he liked his nickname, preferred it to his proper name his unfortunate parents had given him.

There were no attachments of sadness or longing to that name.

Well, until…

"Krul?"

His voice was soft, almost whispering. Against his eyes, against his beliefs, right there before him was Krul Tepes, her eyes open as she looked at him with a gentle smile framing her face.

"Who else could it be?" For so long Mika had been unable to hear her voice. It had only existed in ungrateful memories and longings. Even the sharp sting of the confidence in her voice that echoed through the walls was almost a dream to him now. Suddenly, Krul's voice softened as she looked at the naked pain on the centuries-younger vampire's face.

"Mika."

"I didn't suspect you would wake so soon," the younger vampire stated in response to Krul calling his name again.

Krul was looking at him curiously. Her crimson eyes darted around the suddenly peaceful expression, intermixed with lingering pain. He could see that she didn't understand why he was acting the way he was, and the golden-haired vampire was about to open his mouth when –

"You are such a fool."

Mika could only blink when he found not anger, but profound sadness in Krul Tepes' eyes. It surrounded her entire expression, almost as if she was the embodiment of sadness herself.

"To go up against Ky Luc, when you haven't even been _trained_ with no protection against the sun. How could you –?"

"Yuu- _chan_ is not my only concern, Krul." To her incredulous expression, shame building in his chest, Mika continued. "I…I haven't been concerned with anything beyond Yuu- _chan_ and becoming human again that I haven't understood you!" Krul was silent, although her face was slowly morphing into one of horror as Mika revealed some of her most innermost secrets. "If I had known you were searching for Seraph of the End…for me, the most selfish and…cruel of vampires…then I wouldn't have caused you to almost die." At the word die, Mika's pale skin tightened and his teeth ground together in pain. His eyes moved to the floor as his entire body trembled. _I never wanted…_

"You think everything has to do with you, Mika." A calmly raging voice echoed against the walls as Krul lied. _How many times have you lied to hide what your true heart is? Who you truly are…?_

"It doesn't!" Mika finally yelled. He was aware that he was shouting now, his limbs quaking from the emotion that he hadn't known he had, as he turned toward the vampire he loved. Her eyes widened, as he was aware that she too knew of what he was feeling. "It has to do with everything, especially preventing the past from repeating itself!"

"How…?" Krul was unable to speak. There was heavy vulnerability in every inch of her body, and her eyes were only able to focus on Mika. "I made it certain…that _no one_ would know."

"Do you think someone as manipulative and disgusting as Ferid would not know that you were researching into Seraph of the End, including turning vampires back into humans?"

Krul sighed. A dark expression filtered across at the thought of the vampire.

"Given that you know about me, about Seraph of the End, why?" Krul asked. Her voice became clear again, almost too brittle beneath the surface as she looked at Mika's expression. The apathy that often framed his face was gone. Although he was able to produce expressions and emotion around her, Krul was still cautious. "You need Seraph of the End, Mika! It makes you happy, and the moment I turned you was the moment when you lost everything that made you…Mika." Her eyes shone with one of the wishes of her desires, longing…and love in her gaze as the golden-haired vampire was unable to meet her gaze. "I would rather become a demon than have the same loneliness and solitude haunt you for one thousand years as it did with my brother and I! I don't want the same thing happen between you and Yuu- _chan_ , Mika."

"So you would face a fate worse than death for the sake of my happiness?" A quote that Mika read a long time ago echoed in his mind. He had been a child at the time, and didn't understand. But now, as the pink-haired vampire stated her feelings to him, for her brother, brought back the quote. _"Staring into the face is love is only the thought and happiness of the other."_ Mika's eyes burned, and he knew of Krul's answer even before she spoke. The vampire tried to squeeze his eyes to prevent tears from leaking from his eyes, but it was useless. Tearing a thought away from his own well-being, Mika stood and walked away from the chair he had been sitting on. He didn't even hesitate.

Mika held Krul in his arms. Krul was much smaller than him, so much of her body figuratively melted into his own. His arms circled her back, and his face rested against her shoulder. The soft silk of the blankets covered the rest of her, and it encircled them both. Mika hadn't hugged anyone before, not even his brother.

He was aware of her intake of breath, and knew that his tears were coating her skin. Krul was so stunned she didn't speak.

She didn't have to.

"You have…done so much for me…that I didn't even know. That longing you speak you…I know it, Krul. I know what it like to lose a sibling. But I know that you know the truth of what happened on the Apocalypse eight years ago. How many more people will die for a wish? Am I…worth it? Your brother…I know that he is precious to you, but…is it truly worth it...for a dirty bloodsucker like me?"

Krul tightened her arms around Mika, and her face turned towards him. Her dry eyes looked sad as she stared at the tear-tracked eyes of Mika's.

"I would do anything to see my brother again…one thousand years without a breath or a sight is unbearable pain, and you Mika…" She paused. Her crimson eyes shone. "Vampires scorn human emotion because they lost theirs. I am unworthy of what I feel towards you but, your happiness is what I want to protect the most of all. I don't care about humans or the vampires and their pesky wars…compared to you, all pales to nothing. You are not dirty. How many vampires, including me, have walked the path that you have, wanting their humanity? I may have not found my humanity, but..."

One tear.

A small smile that quickly turned wide with one-sided happiness.

"You are my happiness, Hyakuya Mikaela."

Tears trailed down Mika's cheeks. They came so quickly that there was nothing he could do about them except…to allow them to fall. _Krul…_ His arms embraced her harder.

"I don't need to be human. I realized that I hated vampires because I was one. I thought that I could never fine happiness as a vampire because I wasn't happy. I thought…I would be happy as a human…because I thought that is what I wanted." Mika smiled softly. "How can a vampire find happiness, Krul? That's what I didn't understand, and what I understand now."

"Your life will be empty without Yuu- _chan_ , Mika." Krul said. "I remember how you obsessed over finding him and turning back into a human….that's what I wanted for you!"

"Ashura is a demon dwelling inside Yuu- _chan_ sword. I thought you used me for your own purposes…but then Ferid made me realize that we were both looking for the same thing." Mika turned his head so he could whisper the words the golden-haired seraph held inside for a long time.

"Krul, I love you."

Mika felt Krul immediately stiffen at his words. Agony filtered across her entire body, and her eyes were no longer visible as she looked away from him.

"Waging a war against humans…that's what I have been doing for eight years. We were an oppressed minority trying to live our lives as monsters. There is no way we can fight now. Our numbers, although populated by the strongest Progenitors, can no longer fight against the humans. I still don't know how we can live in such a world as we live in now, and for vampires, is even more unclear.

"How can you tell me you love me when the world around is a piece of shit?"

Mika tried to not roll his eyes. In some cases, Krul was so much like Yuu- _chan_. Although in her case, Krul was the pessimist in the situation…although if he was in her situation, he would be even more pessimistic.

"The reason I live was never clear to me. Even with Yuu- _chan_ , the feelings I had wavered and didn't meet the reasons that I lived despite what happened to me. But with you, Krul…it feels that I can find permanent happiness."

"Maybe if the vampire world had something to live for, it wouldn't be like this."

"Mika." At the sound of his name, Mika lifted his head slightly and saw Krul sigh as she carefully looked at him.

"All I know that is I am in love with you. We may die. Or you could face sunlight torture. Many enemies remain. And you still accept…me?"

"Yes," Mika answered.

"Good." Krul slightly whispered with a smile as she leaned in for a kiss. "Because you are mine, Mikaela."

 _And I am yours,_ Mika thought with pure happiness singing through his veins as they gently touched their lips.

They didn't know if they would die tomorrow, or if Seraph of the End would be used...or how the vampire race would be handled from this day forward. How would the humans survive in this world?

For now, all was safe in the world.


End file.
